Weird News, American Style
All the great news stories should start with the subtitle, “Police find back door open, marinara sauce on wall”. And so it was in St. Cloud, Minnesota, where a drunk man broke into his place of employment, a Pizza Hut, after 1:00 A.M. to make himself some chicken wings. Police arrived when the drunk man forgot to reset the alarm and found 21-year-old Cory Mogen working the fryer with a 0.22 BAC. That takes skill. And let the one among us who has never done anything stupid and possibly felonious to get some wings cast the first stone.
Turbo the 11-year-old Doberman was missing for 15 hours before being found in a canal of Marco Island, Florida. It’s believed he was standing in a shallow part of the canal all night. He was rescued thanks to a group of dolphins who splashed around and made lots of noise to draw attention to the dog. Or they were just splashing and mocking him for not being a dolphin. We don’t yet have dolphin-human translators to know what those devious schemers are really saying. We’re onto you, dolphins.
Meanwhile Across The Pond
A constabulary in Bury St Edmunds, Suffolk, Chimchiminey, Bob’s-Your-Uncle, Stratford-upon-Potato, England is having a bit of a kerfuffle. They launched their campaign to urge people to keep all doors and windows locked, including putting the message “Close it, lock it, check it” on the side of a bus. One day after the campaign launch, their police station was robbed by a man who entered through and unlocked window.
- A Girl Scout troop in northern Ohio is accepting credit card payments door to door using smartphones, and other Girl Scout troops may follow suit. Sorry, Bank of America, your money and my credit rating are no match for a garage full of thin mints. (Engadget)
- The Fianna Fail party in Ireland, which has been in charge for 21 of the last 24 years, just had their arses handed to them in the election, getting their worst general election results ever (15.1%). The people, upset over the economic collapse and the EU and IMF bailout, seem to consider the Fianna Fail party to be less Fianna and more Epic. (France24)
- Detroit plans to close half its public schools over the next two years, raising class sizes to around 60 students for one teacher. Anybody want to buy an abandoned school? (GOOD)
KNOW YOUR STATS
- Can you believe that one thing that happened at the Oscars? Yeah, that was so crazy and we totally watched that. Speaking of movie things being watched, a new record was set in 2010 when only 11% of the US population accounted for 51% of all movie tickets sold. (/film, picture by Bryan Cordova)
- Groupon recently released some of their 2010 financial figures. They generated $760 million in revenue last year, which is a 2300% increase of 2009 revenues. We wish our hats for cats business were growing at that pace, and why shouldn’t it? Every Cat Deserves A Hat™. (SAI)
- Mother Jones published something subtitled “Eleven charts that explain everything that’s wrong with America”, but all I heard was “everything” and “America”. USA! USA! USA!