Has anyone heard about this Charlie Sheen fellow yet?
If you’ve been following some of the other blogs here at Uproxx, you may have noticed us talking about Charlie Sheen a lot. I mean, a lot. So much so that we now have Charlie Sheen quote memes and Emilio Estevez memes. And it doesn’t look like the train loaded with tiger blood transfusions is going to veer off the tracks and slap a porn star in the face anytime soon, because Sheen has been putting a steady stream of additional quotable gems on his new Twitter page since Tuesday, March 1st. His twitter reached one million followers so quickly, in fact, that he’s been awarded a Guinness World Record for “Fastest Time to Reach 1 Million Followers” after gaining one million followers in only 25 hours and 17 minutes. Meanwhile, his former employer CBS’s twitter, @CBSTweet, has a whopping 38,000 or so followers. Losers. Winning. Ba-bye.
You know what rhymes with winning? Sirius XM launched a new channel at 6 A.M. EST today. It’s called Tiger Blood Radio and will run until 6 A.M. EST tomorrow. During that 24 hours, they will air archival Playboy Radio clips of the Goddesses as well as news recaps and an in-depth discussion on how to plan better and be winning in the fourth dimension. That’s time travel, bro. He’s strafing runs in his underwear and decaying leptons before his first cup of coffee. Total F-18, bro, and that’s including naps.
Completely unrelated news about a drunk.
Unfortunately, the winning streak eventually has to come to an end, and so our next four stories are tragic. An SUV careened into a sober living facility in Los Angeles, and the driver was arrested on suspicion of drunk driving. Two people inside the SUV and four people in the sober house were hospitalized. This isn’t what the sober house means when they say to drop in any time for help with your drinking problem.
- Blair River, the 575 pound spokesman for the Heart Attack Grill has died at the age of 29, possibly from pneumonia complications. (USAToday)
- A 53-year-old teacher from my home state of Iowa (meaning this is going to get embarrassing as always) has been arrested and fired for having a 17-year-old student “take a chocolate syrup shower, play strip video games and make a snow angel in his boxers”. The Iowa Board of Educational Examiners may also revoke his teaching license. May revoke it? (Gizmodo)
- Buy your tickets for New Zealand’s Hokitika Wildfoods festival now. Next month they’re going to be serving glasses of horse semen in four flavors: cherry, licorice, banoffee pie, and (of course) original. Sidenote: we’re pretty sure “original horse semen flavor” is the secret ingredient in Big Mac sauce. (Arbroath)
KNOW YOUR STATS
- Charlie Sheen has lost $4.8 million (presumably after taxes, agent fees, etc) due to the cancellation of the remainder of Two and a Half Men shows this season. What did CBS lose on those same episodes? $160 million according to this funny infographic at EgoTV. (picture via Buzzfeed)
- In a recent bacteria study, 72% of grocery carts tested positive for fecal matter, and 50% tested positive for E.coli. The handles of the carts were the most dirty. This is why I kick my grocery cart through the store. Who’s crazy now? (GOOD)
- Food prices have risen to a new record, even higher than the 2008 peak which sparked food riots in several countries (including Egypt). The FAO’s price index of 55 food commodities has grown almost 70% in just the past six months. First the shopping cart slathered in poop, and now this? Et tu, commodities? (France24)