By now we all know that Donald Trump is many things. America’s new Lord and Savior. Purveyor of fine meats. Vodka connoisseur (Seriously, you haven’t lived until you’ve sipped a “Trumptini.”). Builder of overtly phallic glass towers. But more than anything, Donald Trump is a prolific angry letter writer.
Yes, chances are if you say something even remotely critical about Donald Trump in public, he will pen you a scathing diatribe essentially saying that you are nothing more than an ejaculation that should have been swallowed. Just in the last few weeks, he scribbled some blustery jibberish all over a Vanity Fair blog post and mailed it to Graydon Carter. Then he wrote in to the New York Times to say that Gail Collins’ vagina is hopelessly dry, or something, after Collins wrote an op-ed critical of him. And who can forget the time he threw Carrie Prejean — Sean Hannity’s favorite masturbation material — under the bus? Oh, and poor ole Rosie O’Donnell too!
So who does the Bloaty McMoneybags have in his poison pen’s crosshairs today? Why, Jerry Seinfeld, of course!
Predictably, Trump fired off a bitchy screed to Seinfeld after the comedian dropped out of a Trump-y charity event because he thinks “The Donald” is an off-the-rails prick pandering to America’s lowest common denominator for attention, which he, in fact, is.
Reports the New York Post:
“I just learned you canceled a show for my son’s charity,” Trump fired off in a scorching letter to Seinfeld yesterday, “because of the fact that I am being very aggressive with respect to President Obama, who is doing an absolutely terrible job as our leader.”
“We don’t care that you broke your commitment,” he wrote, “even though the children of St. Jude are very disappointed, and despite the fact that your manager clearly stated you are ‘truly a man of his word.’
“What I do feel badly about is that I agreed to do, and did, your failed show, ‘The Marriage Ref,’ even though I thought it was absolutely terrible . . . Despite its poor ratings, I didn’t cancel on you like you canceled on my son and St. Jude. I only wish I did.”
The letter ends with the kiss-off, “You should be ashamed of yourself!”
Is there anything more presidential than a thinly veiled “my reality show is better than your reality show” jab? I think not.
I think I’m going to make it one of my life’s goals to get my own angry letter from Donald Trump. I already have a spot on my living room wall picked out to hang it on, and I saw a frame at Target over the weekend that I think would be perfect for it. You know how to reach me, Trump, you piece of sh*t.