Let’s just get this out of the way right now: If you have your cell phone on, in a movie theater, for any reason, you’re an a-hole and people hate you. For example, in 2008, James Cialella shot a guy for being a jerk in a movie theater, and people actually had a campaign for the city to drop the charges, which they didn’t, but it gives you an idea of how much people hate this obnoxious behavior.
Now, let’s tell the story of Mark Fout. Fout, a (barf) “marketing consultant”, is a 220-pound weightlifter who calls himself “broad” in the local paper, no doubt right before kissing his bicep. Brenda Godwin weighs 136 pounds. Both of these people are in their fifties. Godwin says that Fout was texting in the theater, she tapped him on the shoulder, and he leaped up and started screaming that he’d call the police for assault. Fout claims Godwin shoved him hard on the neck and gave him whiplash, and that he was holding the phone close to his chest, and that the text was important.
In other words, even if Godwin did what Fout claims, Fout should still have his phone forcibly inserted somewhere painful. Unfortunately, this took place in Texas, the state where a man can walk onto somebody else’s property with a shotgun, blow away two Mexicans, and get away with it, so instead of the cops taking Fout behind the theater and beating him senseless, Godwin had to pay a $260 fine.
Can we just let Texas secede from the union now?