I just got into an argument with my local librarian that went something like this:
ME: "Hey, where's the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue?"
LIBRARIAN: "We don't have it."
ME: "Listen, I gave you a Subway card that only needed one more stamp for a free fucking sub so you would hold that issue for me. Do you remember that fat-ass? Now make with the issue if you don't want a scene."
LIBRARIAN: "No, what I mean is Sports Illustrated never sent us that issue. In fact, SI has withheld the Swimsuit Issue from all schools and libraries."
(I slightly remembered reading something about this earlier in the week, but my mind plays cruel tricks on me when I've been drinking. My mind plays lots of cruel tricks.)
ME: "Listen bitch, SI wouldn't do that to me. Do you think you're smarter than me because you have a fancy MLS degree? I can't believe they give you a damn diploma for memorizing the Dewey Decimal System."
LIBRARIAN: "By the way, Sizzling is a week overdue. Do you want to me renew it for you?"
I left that dump in a huff, but I was shocked to learn that she spoke the truth and SI had indeed betrayed me. Now you may ask, why not just buy the issue? The demands of assistant editing With Leather is a 24/7 job, and, since I live mainly on the crusts that the Chief excises from his PB & J sandwiches, my current financial situation precludes me from owning it. Once I'm paid in legal tender however, I will either buy it or a laptop, so I can research the sports world for you in the privacy of the communal bathroom at the YMCA where I reside. -KD
(Thanks to Panger from Foul Balls for keeping me on task.)
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