Well, it's not actually Carl Pavano, but the new DiceGay.com is delightfully reminiscent of the sadly departed TonyHomo — probably because they have the same author, but whatever. What matters is that Pavano is a clueless "playa" along the lines of Drew Bledsoe. Some samples:
God, thunderstorms are so fucking core. What you playas don't understand is that I get energy from the rain and the thunder, and the lightning. It feeds my inner beast. The minute I heard that thunder, you shoulda seen me, I took a bat and I just ran onto the field yelling until my larynx was bruised…
Playa Tip #41: Leave the meat, pimps. Just eat the bones. Straight-up marrow-sauce style. Finger lickin' dry! You shoulda seen the look on that waitress' face when she carried my plate away filled with rib meat in an 8 inch thick pile. Bones missing. She acted disgusted, but inside, she knew I was total boss. Either way, no tip for her…
Check it: I meant to blog yesterday, but Sundays is busy as shit for me. First, I gotta go to Mass and get my tithe on, then I gotta drink my water. I drink all of my water for the week on Sunday morning. Straight-up fifteen gallons. Gulp. Gulp. It saves me mad time and hassle during the week. Time is money, playas. I got too much pimpin' to do to be lookin' for a bottle of Evian every two seconds.
And so on, and so forth. This blog actually makes me a little excited to go to Yankee Stadium tonight and tomorrow — albeit to see the Mariners. Then I realized that Jeff Weaver is pitching Saturday, and I had to start cutting myself again.
Thanks to sex machine Steve for the tip. Pictured: Pavano's ex-fiancee Gia Allemand;
I want more like this!
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