Fridays mean two things: power rankings, and gratuitous drinking. Let’s get it started.
2) Peanut Butter Bacon Burgers – New York restaurant Shake Shack has had their crack team of scientists developing an unholy alliance of bacon, peanut butter, and a burger patty. My prayers to the burger gods have finally been answered, o hallelujah!
3) The Wiz – The balls bounced in the Wizard’s favor to win the John Wall sweepstakes. Considering their most successful season in 30 years has been a second round playoff loss, their time has to be coming soon. Expect attendance at Wizards games to cross the triple digit threshold next season.
4) Celtics and Lakers – Both teams are up 2-0 in their respective playoff series. High chances of Kobe’s underbite, douchebag Boston bandwagon fans, and nonsensical Bill Simmons statistics.
5) Arnold Palmer – The iconic golfer finally got paid for his delicious invention. There is no better way to quench your thirst this summer. I’m drinking one right now, and could not be happier.
6-10 continue after the jump.
6) Delonte West – Although LeBron’s mom may not be the most comely lass, getting with her is probably the most alpha move imaginable. “You’ve won two MVP awards? O, well I banged your mom. Seriously.”
7) Hank Baskett – The Hank is going to cash in on his hot wife once her sex tape is released. Just one of the many benefits of having a wife who posed in Playboy. Hank’s terrible hands are just along for the ride.
8) Playoff beards – Without doubt, my favorite part about hockey. The Western Conference Final continues in Chicago tonight, the Blackhawks lead the series 2-0. The fact that a pro hockey team can survive in San Jose is still mind boggling. The Habs took down the Flyers 5-1 last night in Canada, where the smug makes it difficult to concentrate. Philly leads the series 2-1.
9) Phillip Rivers– Marmalard threw out the first pitch at a Padres game this week. In a related story, Jay Cutler threw out the first pitch at a Cubs game. It was intercepted by the umpire six times, at which point Jay sulked off the field and took an insulin shot.
10) Sorority girls in sundresses – Were undoubtedly prevalent at the Preakness last weekend. Unfortunately, the annual, amazingly awesome, booze-fest was not. Lookin at Lucky was the big winner. The Belmont Stakes are on June 5th, go if you enjoy rich white people and various animal smells.
I want more like this!
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