LeBron James recently told ESPN that the NBA could benefit from teams having more superstars, a la his partnership with Dwyane Wade and that other guy on the Miami Heat. James used Minnesota’s Kevin Love and New Jersey’s Devin Harris and Brook Lopez as examples of players that he believes would be more exciting on better teams. And that’s fine, because the whole world agrees that their teams suck. But James is upset now that people think he’s pro-contraction, when he never even used the word. Hell, he doesn’t even know what it means…
“That’s crazy, because I had no idea what the word ‘contraction’ meant before I saw it on the Internet,” James said after the Miami Heat’s practice Monday. “I never even mentioned that. That word never even came out of my mouth. I was just saying how the league was back in the ’80s and how it could be good again. I never said, ‘Let’s take some of the teams out.’ ” (Via ESPN)
No, he sure didn’t. What he did say was:
“Imagine if you could take Kevin Love off Minnesota and add him to another team and you shrink the [league],” James said Thursday. “Looking at some of the teams that aren’t that great, you take Brook Lopez or you take Devin Harris off these teams that aren’t that good right now and you add him to a team that could be really good. Not saying let’s take New Jersey and let’s take Minnesota out of the league. But hey, you guys are not stupid, I’m not stupid, it would be great for the league.”
So LeBron doesn’t endorse contraction – whatever that pesky word means – nor does he want to see the Timberwolves or the Nets – the latter owned by his close friend Jay-Z, mind you – removed from the league. He just wants to shrink the league. So… um… I guess I’m stupid, because that means he wants to contract teams. Or he wants to enter a cheat code and make all the players smaller.
In other LeBron news…
Time Is Running Out To Buy LeBron’s Friendship
In case you missed it in Friday’s Power Rankings, LeBron will celebrate his 26th birthday on Thursday, and he and his brain trust marketing team would like you to get in on the action. For only $500,000, you can have a full sponsorship for his super VIP party at the posh Coco de Ville “lounge” at the Ganesvoort Hotel in Miami Beach. According to a Powerpoint presentation, released by the marketing team SA Global Plus, the self-anointed King’s birthday party will feature “models, athletes, and musicians. As well [sic] political figures, socialites, tastemakers and affluent leaders from various industries including art, business and finance.”
If you can’t quite afford half a million, you can get in on the sponsorships for as little as $10,000. But then you have to wear a sign that reads: “Hey, I’m a cheap dick that only paid $10K to honor living royalty.”
Jalen Parmele Has Your Back, LeBron
According to the Baltimore Sun, after the Baltimore Ravens defeated the Cleveland Browns on Sunday, Ravens kick returner Jalen Parmele took to his Twitter account to express his humble feelings about life in Cleveland:
“The sun did not shine in cleveland once today! Felt like an evening game…no wonder Lebron left hah…sorry cav fans”
Then Ray Lewis gave Cleveland a wedgie and shoved it in a locker.
I want more like this!
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