Best: Whoa, Alex Riley
I’m not sure what to say about Riley flipping out and destroying the Miz, because I’ve seen so many star-making moments turn to ash in WWE Creative (Matt Hardy’s Wrestlemania 24 return during Money in the Bank is a big one off the top of my head), but the stars aligned and the beatdown was just violent enough and it worked. The crowd was chanting “Ri-ley Ri-ley,” and I’m pretty sure none of us thought we’d live to hear a crowd chanting for the Jobbiest of the Jobbers. In an instant, the ancillary “guy you beat up before you wrestle the Miz” became a cult hero, and if they move forward with him in an interesting, wrestling-centric way, he could really be something.
If they give him the Darren Young Missing Link Superstars-to-NXT push, he won’t be. WWE storylines are like Christianity for me at this point. I don’t really believe in it, but I sure hope it turns out to be something. At the very least they should pair him up with Daniel Bryan on Smackdown and do a Ray Jackson/Frank Dux thing. Have Yoshi Tatsu do six months of roids and start breaking peoples’ legs in half. Kofi Kingston can be the little coconut-chopping guy.
Worst: Don’t Tease Me With Maryse
Want to see a picture of Maryse making someone completely, irreversibly jealous?
Oh man, look at her face
she totally wants to die, doesn’t she
Raw was the most recent in an irregular string of Maryse appearances, where she never seems to do much other than her entrance and the platinum horse hair extensions whip before something happens and we move on. Remember when Maryse was Divas Champion? Remember that rad kick she pulled off against Beth Phoenix at Survivor Series? Maryse can’t really “go,” but she can surely move forward, can’t she? Look at her torso! I don’t care what she does, just have her be there while things happen. For me?
Worst: So Wait, What
Okay, so, Kharma.
I’ve spent the last few weeks writing about how I’d like the Kharma story to move forward, and Raw accomplished that. Unfortunately they “moved forward” by cramming Kharma into the back of a clown car driven by Toonces the Goddamned Cat and drove her off a cliff. She interrupted an eight-woman tag team match (featuring Maryse) about four seconds into it, walked to the ring, sat down and cried. We thought maybe it was a trick to lure the girls in so she could kill them, but nope. Nothing. She just cried, and we went to commercial. She didn’t cry BECAUSE of anything. She also didn’t interfere in the match, which begs the question “why didn’t you just make her leave the ring and continue wrestling?”
It also begs the question “are you seriously going to do an angle where the fat black lady is sad because she’s not as pretty as a Bella?” Because that seems like the only place you can go. I’m not really down for a Raven/Kanyon segment of Kharma trying on different outfits at the mall and Kelly Kelly selling it.
For once, I say we forget this week ever happened and pretend she’s still just busting everybody’s implants.
I want more like this!
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