There’s no delicate way to phrase this. The Lingerie Football League, wherein women play 7-on-7 tackle American football wearing helmets and their underwear for male fans not satisfied with the physicality of pre-existing cheerleaders, has decided that lingerie football is empowering to women and are looking to start a version of the league for children. “Fully clothed, of course!” says the report, and the statement issued by founder and chairman (and man, and possible GEICO Caveman) Mitchell Mortaza is even less reassuring.
“Obviously the improvement of our game is directly tied into the development of the future LFL athlete. What excites us at the league is seeing the caliber of athletes improve so vastly each season, now imagine in five years when we start fielding athletes that have trained their entire life for the opportunity to play LFL Football.”
Yes. Imagine. Then, imagine how exciting it would be if they could play football without their vagina hanging out.
You can check out a report from Seattle’s King5.com after the jump, followed quickly by five things terrible about it.
1. Jesus, really?
2. “Are they looking up to the football,” asks Figueroa. “Or are they looking up to the girls in their pretty outfits?” This is a tricky one, and brings up that Kidz Bop argument of why little kids need to see people exactly like them doing something to enjoy it. If they’re looking up to “the football”, they’re looking up to a tits-and-ass sideshow created by a skeevy business man who took the “no, you’re GREAT at art” pick-up line and turned it into a sports league. If they’re looking up to the girls in their pretty outfits, it’s an even deeper indictment on our society, probably caused directly by the people who teach them gymnastics assuming their dumb little girls who look up to people because of “pretty outfits”.
3. “Maybe one day these girls won’t have to wear lingerie to get people interested in women’s football” is an admirable statement, except that why are you playing football in lingerie right now. Guys aren’t interested in regular football because of their dicks, and societal change can only be effected by people doing the right thing no matter how many others get interested, not by the WNBA putting nipples on their jerseys to get people in the stands.
4. Go ahead and zoom in on that little girl doing splits, King 5.
5. The Dad. “Heh, oh man, I’d love it if she played football right now, heh, but obviously, heh heh, not in lingerie.”
I want more like this!
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