In case you hadn’t noticed, we’ve been trying to develop more of an open forum atmosphere within these UPROXX sites as a means of making our conversations broader and more engaging, all to enhance the overall reading experience. For instance, if you missed my Pulitzer quality discussion about snack cakes last week or Cajun Boy’s rap beef investigation, well then you’re not living life to its fullest.
That said, I’ve previously touched on the relationship of Hollywood megastar and guy who I really want to be best friends with, George Clooney, and former WCW Nitro Dancer and WWE Diva Stacy Keibler, but I’ve never actually pushed everyone into the deep end of just how much this couple fascinates me. So as we celebrate the birthday of one of the most important people in American history (happy 53rd, Sade!) I thought we could go ahead and throw our thoughts around about America’s most improbable-yet-gorgeous couple.
As I explained on my buddy Tom Holzerman’s “The Wrestling Podcast” last week, I used to be a wrestling fan during the late 90s creative peak of WCW and the emergence of Degeneration X in the WWE, mainly because I thought the writing was really good. What can I say? I’m a plot guy. But a big selling point for me – College Bro Burnsy – was the quality of the women, as the actual female wrestlers were hotter than ever, as opposed to the traditional female roles as valets and managers. Right at the front of that movement were Keibler and Torrie Wilson.
Obviously, Wilson is currently dating New York Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez and that just seems fitting. She’s certainly an attractive blonde but she’s also built from the muscular mold that A-Rod has typically preferred, plus she’s not super famous by any means and he’s definitely not the prom king in terms of popularity. Keibler, though… sweet fancy Tebow she hit the jackpot.
For all we know, Clooney could be the biggest a-hole douchebag on the planet behind closed doors. But from what we see on a regular basis, he’s pretty awesome. For starters, he does the famous guy relationship thing perfectly. He doesn’t marry the girls and risk his fortune, but when he breaks up with them he at least leaves them with a nice parting gift, like a private island. If ever there was a blueprint for famous men to follow, Clooney is Frank Lloyd Wright.
I don’t normally like using hyperbole, but Clooney could have any woman on this planet. Even the most man-hating lesbians would at least think about changing their minds if Clooney invited them up for a night cap. And that brings us to his choice of Keibler. Of course I’m not saying that there’s something wrong with Keibler. After all, her legs are the gold standard by which ZZ Top songs are written. But I have to imagine that when he dumped supermodel Elisabetta Canalis (who is the reigning champion for the Sh*ttiest Tattoo on a Model, by the way) and started dating Kiebler, even his closest friends were like, “The wrestler? Seriously?”
It’s worth noting that before Clooney, her most notable boyfriends were David Flair, the wrestler Test and some guy from “7th Heaven” whose IMDB bio reads like the mission statement for Bullsh*t Incorporated. From that crop of F-listers to the ultimate A-lister is nothing short of miraculous.
More amazing than anything, though, is that she’s still hanging around despite openly talking about wanting to start a family with him. Clooney? Family? Sure, they’d have freakishly good looking children – although if I were him I’d still slip a little Brad Pitt in there for good measure – but Clooney having kids is preposterous. That’s like Derek Jeter or Leonardo DiCaprio having kids. Hell, Pitt’s got enough kids for half of Hollywood. Clooney should borrow a couple of them here and there and tell Keibler to deal with it.
Ultimately, I can only ask – is there a person who has risen in the ranks of celebrity status and dated up on the same level as or better than Keibler? The only comparison I could think of is Lane Kiffin’s head-scratching ability to have fallen up into an incredible job despite never having accomplished anything. What say you, With Leatherites? Does Keibler deserve a lifetime achievement award for taming the tiger?
(Images via Getty and the WWE.)
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