Worst: John Cena Vs. The Rock
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"The Best And Worst Of WWE WrestleMania XXVIII Live"
it was the BLURST of times???
YOU STUPID MONKEY!
I’m i the only one seing this? THESE DUDES PUT A LINE THROUGH GOD’S NAME… EPIC FAIL!!!
You’re not the only one who sees it, but you’re the only one too stupid to get jokes.
I’m surprised the site doesn’t just suck down into the browser, never to return after people click off of page 2. Stroud + Chickbusters = crazy delicious.
Holy ssssshi I marked so hard @ Brandon + Chickbusters x Brandon doing Laurinaitis. Holy wow!
AJ with her hair down and glasses looks strikingly similar to a girl I dated in high school. She will henceforth be known as “Not AJ”
She looked like that and you didn’t marry her?
Is it just me, or is Cena slowly turning into early Olympic-Hero Kurt Angle?
The guy who loves America and children and gets booed for being a decent, fair-playing chum? I can see it.
You stood in close proximity to AJ and Kaitlyn…
Does the world feel different now? Less colourful? Muted, somehow?
I just collapsed into the floor and lied there for several hours.
but wait, did you visit the crepe joint
Kaitlyn makes the best faces
AH! I just got to the Laurinaitis impression! Oh man…
Best: My boy right there B Stroud
In complete and utter agreement with this. That Laurinaitis impression was pretty damn good.
Thanks, guys. I’m a shockingly good mimic when it comes to stuff like this.
I am so jelly right now! That’s it I’ve gotta go to WrestleMania Axxesssss!
Also, Just reading the 1st page felt soo good, this must be how a drug addict must feel…when he also reads the B&W’s.
Axxess was the bomb. It’s the only place in the world where you’re like OH MAN WHO’S COMING OUT TO TAKE A PICTURE WITH ME … OH GOD IT’S HORNSWOGGLE
Sounds great! It would also give me the chance to throw trash cans at Hornswoggle.
I would ask the Swogs if I could get a picture of me attempting to throw him.
I would just throw Hornswaggle and then ask him if it was okay after.
BEST: Brandon attempts to reason with a child.
I will probably never be a parent (or never a reasonable one, at least)
“I AM GOING TO PULL DOWN MY PANTS AND TAKE A SH*T IN MY HANDS AND F**KING THROW IT AT YOU SO HARD IT DECAPITATES YOU, WHOEVER DECIDED THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA”
HOLY CRAP! That post Sheamus-D-Bry rant was…SOMETHING!
Judging by all our comments in the Wrestlemania thread, this was akin to all our reactions. My personal one was ‘Go fuck yourself, WWE. You cheated me over getting a chance to ogle AJ’s outfit and Bryan’s awesomeness.’
I was at Buffalo Wild Wings, and as SOON as Bryan turned to face AJ, my dude turned to me and said “He’s ganna turn around, big boot, it’s over”
Don’t you think it’s kind of cruel to secretly take pictures of the audience and spend a page of this article tearing them apart?
STEINER RECLINER WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Not if there’s a chance to consecutively use the words ‘nude gargoyles scissoring.’
I see what you’re saying, but to me they’re part of the show. I dunno, if I get scissoring gargoyles tattooed on me or start flipping off security guards because John Cena lost, I feel like I’d deserved to get torn apart.
I think that video is perfect for Rock/Cena. No need to add more.
I need to catch my breath after that video, *Wipes away laugh induced tears*
Great report as usual, Brandon. Definitely a slightly different tone, maybe more analytical and less snarky?, since you went live. Here I’m referring to the section on missing the first 20 minutes of Taker/Trips and the Daniel Bryan stuff. Still full of jokes and the column made me laugh, but I appreciated the personal touch this column had.
Sorry, not meant to be a reply. I just Big Show’d the comment.
Pitchfork already did it
Scissoring Gargoyles is an awesome band name.
One difference between Disneyland & Wrestlemania – at least you could find (a) beer.
Have you read the comment thread from ‘Mania yet? How did your mood swings during the show compare to what we were relating?
My mood swing was singular and giant. I was psyched for everything, then emotionally destroyed by Sheamus/Bryan, and then it was a slow rise toward affable acceptance for the rest of the night.
Had a feeling Stroud would copout with Cena/Rock, but whatever. Maybe he liked it SO much that only the absurdity of a monkey urinating onto itself can encapsulate the beautiful and surreal moment that came from the crowd after the Rock’s pin. Yeah I see what you did there.
There’s a whole ‘nother page, bro. Didn’t you read the first page saying it wouldn’t be posted all at once?
Right you are, my bad.
He liked it so much that he repeated a joke Pitchfork did six years ago.
I would have preferred Rock/Cena just went like Cena/Batista. 13 doable minutes of pretty solid with high spots and drama as opposed to asking an old guy that hasn’t wrestled in 7 years to go 30 minutes.
That Laurinitis impression was borderline creepy good
Agreed. And thank you, if I identify with anyone it’s the uncool white guy who tries to make people happy and keeps fucking it up.
“No one here cares about “work rate” so why are you bringing it up? ”
I’m speaking in general. I don’t think you guys are those guys at all.. Because otherwise, I would not bother to post at all.
So are we still getting a B&W of wrestlemania X-7 or did I miss the update on that?
I do want to do it, I really do. The trip was more of a strain on my time and body than I expected.
I still think HHH/UT and Cena/Rock were great. Rest spots be damned.
And no less of an authority as THE NETCOP agrees.
I’ll give you HHH/Taker but I don’t see how a match that was unbearably slow could possibly have been that good. I reiterate what I said yesterday: Rock did no more than 6-8 moves in 30 minutes, and half of those were punching.
Seriously want to hear your reasoning for this. Apologies if that sounds more confrontational than I intended.
I give this comment **3/4 stars
I suppose it all comes down to the atmosphere and the spectacle of it. If you are looking at it from the “work rate is god” POV then yeah, it wasn’t exactly Flair-Steamboat Bash ’89. It never could be that. I think that’s the wrong way to look at it too.
This match was about the biggest star of the 90s vs. the biggest star of the 2000s clashing on the biggest stage to determine supremacy once and for all. You don’t need to sell me on anything else. As long as, it wasn’t Fingerpoke Of Doom stupid, I’m enjoying the hell of it.
And for what’s it worth, I thought the Rock (while gassed) looked sharp enough for Cena to carry that match to above average on its own merits.
Rock going over was the right call too. Its Wrestlemania. Nothing is worse than Triple H pins Rock after a six month chase so they could “swerve” the audience.
The live crowd, casual fans, and every non-THIS board IWC fan wanted Rocky going over. He had too.
So yeah… **** stars.
No one here cares about “work rate” so why are you bringing it up? We’re not THOSE people, we’re the people who just want Dolph Ziggler to do funny things with his body and for Cody Rhodes to act like a raptor.
I think Undertaker v HHH got close to greatness. As I said on my web log, I think the match demands to be judged on the drama and that it did a good job of being dramatic.
Rock v Cena was OK. It wasn’t a disappointment or anything, but I didn’t care. I did like Cena’s hubris causing him to lose (that’s how you have someone lose and have it advance a story), but the match itself wasn’t great.
I thought it came off alright on TV. I was much more entertained by the Punk/Jericho match, the Ziggler flipping and then getting destroyed by a rough ryder and most of the Taker match. I was unhappy that this was the first PPV I bought in like 10 years though. Big regret.
I’m speaking in generalities in terms of work rate freaks.
Perfect rant for the Miami Screw-You-Job. My moment was kind of similar:
Friend (Casual Wrestling Viewer): It’s over?
Friend’s Brother: No way?
Friend (Casual Wrestling Viewer): Good because, I hate Daniel Bryan. He’s so boring.
Me: *seething tranquil fury*
Thankfully before I keyed “YES! YES! YES!” on my friend’s Camero, the fans’ reaction of “BULLSHIT!”, “DANIEL BRYAN” and “YES! YES! YES!” broke me from my Beserker Rage.
…but then you went ahead and keyed “YES! YES! YES!” into his car anyway, right?
“Anyway, what I’m getting at is that WWE’s Fan Axxess event was right up my alley and allowed me to pose for pictures with all sorts of people you might barely care about (Layla)”
Now Holeonaminutethere playa. If you got a picture with Layla El, you gotta put that picture as your lead. Layla > Kate Upton.
Now I’ll read the rest.
Just had to get that off my chest.
Here you go. I’m so happy she’s touching me I look like a kid sitting on Santa’s lap.
Did you ask her when she’s coming back to TV? She’s the Skip Sheffield of Deevers.
Was Regal there? You could have convinced them to be your parents.
No, but I did mention to her that Undertaker appears to be wearing a LayCool hoodie. Her response was “he IS, isn’t he? Chelle probly gave that to him!”
>_< That is the greatest.
Were you sitting on her lap while that conversation happened? Don't answer. I'm going to believe you were either way.
Not only was this straight up +Rhodes, I got to imagine what Cena Kid’s reign as B&W helmer in 2029 will be like.
I made the same Super Shredder comment the second he came out from behind the curtain. High Five for Same Wavelength!
Mmmm, Google Sausage…aghughhhgh
If I was you, I would’ve moved a little more to the right in the 1st pic. Maybe its just me, but I don’t want to take a pic w/Michael McGillicutty in it because he’s Michael McGuillicutty.
↑ WHAT A STUPID, STUPID MAN THIS WAS!!! MCGUILLICUTTY RULEZ!!!!!
“It’s not the aspect of my wrestling random I’m most proud of, but if, I don’t know, Abyss is standing ten feet away from me I’m not gonna NOT say “hey Abyss, stand beside me while I make a fist at my camera”. It’s weird.”
I wish I had that. I’m inhibited IRL and I once saw “World Karate Champion” The Cat Earnest Miller (and Chuck Pulumbo to a lesser extent) at the airport and didn’t even go say hi to him. It’s a large regret in my life. I’ll let others decide how sad that is.
Oh man. Ernest Miller was supposed to be at WrestleReunion on Saturday and I was SO EXCITED FOR HIM and he totally bailed at the last minute.
You wanna know regret? A few years back I went to a Newark Bears game. Gary Carter was the opposing manager; I’m a Mets fan. I was there early enough that I could have walked around to the other dugout, said hello and thank you, and I didn’t, and will now never have the chance to. So yeah, props to Brandon for going after the mark photos.
Jericho reversing a Huricanrana into the Walls of Jericho, all the “YES!” signs and “Yes Yes Yes!” chants before the world title match, and Team Johnny winning were the highlights of the show for me.
I really did like Taker/Trips over Punk/Jericho and I didn’t even think I was going to like Taker/Trips before the show. Really Brandon, it ended up being really, really good.
Hey, as I said in the report, the last 10 minutes of it turned out to be really pretty great.
I saw Sebastian Bach as Jesus Christ in Jesus Christ Superstar. He sang about as well as Edge ever could.
Ted Neeley or GTFO
Double +Rhodes to you!!
B, How in the hell did you not write about the complete lack of a Cena entrance? I figured that would be one of the things you would look forward to the most, and instead we get a shitty skinny white rapper (this was so so bad on Tv, no idea how it came across live) and no real “John Cena Wrestlemania Entrance” for the biggest match of all time. What the hell?
I think the column was getting too long so I couldn’t say everything, but you’re right, and know me well enough to know how disappointed I was in that.
Just out of curiosity Brandon, how much did the whole trip to WM co$t? I want to go now after reading this. Wait, are there palm trees in NY/NJ?
I didn’t keep a running total, but it ended up being way cheaper than I’d intended. I rented a car and stayed in a hotel for like four nights and still kept the grand total for everything (except a plane ticket) well under $1000.
♪Well I know where I’M going next year♪
No, but there’s plenty of assholes. They’re kinda like palm trees, right?
Aww, come on, NSB. New Yorkers aren’t all assholes. I miss being one, myself.
A bunch of 5’8″ palm trees.
Also, great Johnny impression. Loved it.
Thank you for besting that monkey flip…
I knew you were going to, but still…
It was even better than that headbutt of death from Brodus on Monday.
In that guy’s defense, Steiner Recliner is a lot of fun to say when you’re drunk.
Based on watching that Monkey Flip GIF as much as I did, God help Ziggler if he has to sell the F5. He might actually die.
He’ll land in Wade’s luxury sky box
My best friend in the entire world got Bested in my favorite wrestling-related column on the whole Internets. YES! YES! YES! YES!
And it was well earned.
Are there more mark pictures? If so, are they on your facebook?
They are all over my Facebook.
The fact that you didn’t immediately start screaming “OOOOOHHH IN YOUR FACE KID!” at the crying Cena kid makes you a bigger man than me, Brandon.
Ha, I considered it. I used to be him, crying about the babyfaces losing at wrestling shows and stuff, so I never want to take it to that place. I just want him to know I’m right and live with it.
Randy Orton would have taken it to that place.
As I’ve mentioned a million times before here, I’m pregnant,so, w/ that EVERYTHING makes me emotional and/or crabby. My reaction to the Daniel Bryan/Sheamus match was so strong, my hubby had to take a break from making us nachos to come into the living room to give me a big bear hug until I stopped freaking out. Glad you had a fun time.
I made Wrestlemania Nachos too so I missed the dbry match.
Which is good because if I actually saw it I probably would’ve skipped the rest of the show.
Great writeup and I’m glad you had a good time despite the terrible show. The Friday night ROH show was damn good too, despite my personal hatred of Davey Richards.
My additional worst was Lawler saying how great Teddy is because he dates younger women and insulting Vickie because she dates older men. I assume it’s along the same track as “Eve is a slut. Boo!” and “The Rock loves the pie of every woman in town. Yay!”
But there’s not really any point in worsting Lawler anymore, is there?
I have no point to make in replying, except to say that i also hate Davey Richards.
I dislike Davey Richards AND Jerry Lawler.
Let’s all be pals.
Davey Richards is literally the worst.
Can’t believe you had nothing to say about MGK and Flo Rida’s stellar performances. What a concert. The wrestling bits were okay.
How the fuck did i manage to not run into you at Mania? I also used the Taker/HHH match as an intermission, ran around and got my girl some of those corn pancake with cheeses and used my rent money to buy a soda. Bummer.
I think if i had gone to watch wrestlemania at a friend’s house or a hooters or whatever, i would have enjoyed it less. But being in a stadium that’s pretty hype for the show made the night for me. Even just high fiving the retarded adult in front of me when the good guys won (though i made him my enemy after team johnny won and i was telling my girlfriend all about how much zack ryder sucks and he got all mad at me and high fived everyone but me when punk won). I got taken in by Rock/Cena, and i smiled like a doofus at the Bridge Club. Seriously, #2 wrestlemania moment for me, right after that sweet punk/jericho match. It made such a huge difference, and i’m glad i was there.
But man, those palm trees were the worst. I could see the ring fine, but the tops blocked the big screen, so i didn’t get to see anyones intros.
I’m still fucking bummed I didn’t get my Horrorshow mark photo. I almost asked you to bring the mask and the chainsaw.
What Brandon saw during the Funkasaurus bit: [www.ferris.edu]
What I saw: [1.bp.blogspot.com]
Aw you put into words all the EXACT same things I liked and hated about the Undertaker-HHH match. I kinda fast forwarded it in short bursts through most of it and think I still got the experience.
HOWEVER: Seeing it live you would have missed Jim Ross demonstrating yet again that he is in his own league at what he does. It has been a long time since I’ve heard a better wrestling call than the linguistics boner-inducing signifier/sign thing he pulled out at the end of that match, but I’d guess the previous best wrestling call was made by him too.
Jim Ross was great, but I still think my favorite call in a Taker-Trips match was from last year, when Taker kicked out of the tombstone, and Ross was all “WHAT DID WE JUST SEE!?!?” And Lawler quietly said, “he’s not human!”
Yup, that was awesome too!
Though bringing him out for the one match just made the rest of the show seem a little less important.
Good writeup, Brandon!
I think you liked Punk v Jericho more than me but didn’t like Rock v Cena & Taker v HHH as much as me. Also, I just couldn’t get into Team Johnny v Team Teddy. It just felt like a mess. Why wasn’t that a Survivor Series style match? That would have given everyone a chance to have a moment and do something.
Because they had to give Rocky 15 minutes to lay around in headlocks.
Agree 100%. Punk vs. Jericho was GREAT, but took way too long to get going, and while that ending sequence was completely and totally +Rhodes, the first 10 minutes or so was slow and kinda blah for me.
Ziggler’s insane bump aside, the 12 man was kind of a wreck. I felt like the build for it was very well done, and then the match was just spots with no story. But then again…ya know…Dolph’s bump.
But I thought Taker vs. HHH was FANTASTIC, and I loathed last year’s match, and I really enjoyed Rock vs. Cena, despite Rock being blown up 5 minutes in. Thought the ending was great, and told a good story, with Cena only losing because he gave in to hubris, and cared more about embarrassing Rock, as opposed to just winning. Really fun match.
I agree, Space Monkey Mafia. Once Punk v Jericho got going it was a really good match. It didn’t have me yelling and excited, but it was good.
I actually think the problem wasn’t the match, the match was really good, but that Punk v Jericho is a better feud in theory than reality. I wrote about this some on my blog but I think Punk is way too sincere and serious for Jericho. When Punk fought Cena it was a match between two guys who really cared about what was happening, with Jericho I feel like he’s just in it for some laughs and if he loses he can just say “lol j/k” and go back to playing Metallica covers.
These two guys can put on a good match, and they did on Sunday, and they can cut some really killer promos but I just don’t care. There’s nothing at stake besides the WWE Championship.
Part of it might be that Punk “won” last year and now that Punk is about Punk, instead of being a manifestation of our frustration, it just doesn’t matter.
But, yeah, good enough match. I hope I care about their feud more at Extreme Elimination Rumble in the Bank.
HHH, Undertaker, and HBK tried for months to make me not care but I ended up caring on Sunday. Not a very good match, although it wasn’t objectively terrible, but I bought the drama and felt it was a satisfying ending to those three characters.
Cena and Rock could have been something special. I think those two guys could have left everything out in the squared circle. They didn’t, but it was still an OK match. I’m a lot more on Cena’s side then I have been for years but I still don’t care.
I care about Daniel Bryan.
“There’s nothing at stake besides the WWE Championship. ”
I’m photoshopping myself into that pic with the Chickbusters.. I love memories… great write up, Stroud.
Awesome read Brandon, it makes me want to go to a Wrestlemania myself.
Wandering around during the HHH/Taker match is goddamn brilliant, and I salute you.
I’ve bee lookign forward to this report, and I must saw two things:
a) Goddammit, this is the best damn write-up I’ve seen in a long time. I was laughing hysterically at all the things my mind was whining about at ‘Mania ( who pays to sit behind trees? WTF Brodus? Holy shit, CM Punk’s fireworks are awesome. Is HHH in Castle Grayskull? ). Fuckin’ nailed it, Brandon. Marlins park was the cherry on top, as I’ve been in tears every time I’ve read something here over the last two days.
and B) goddammit, I’m jealous you had such a great time. The vids were icing on the cake, the Bateman autograph is awesome, and you meeting chickbusters because fuck you.
Speaking for myself, I’ve never had so much fun commenting on this site as much as I have in the last couple of days. It’s a great group of people that I tend to agree with ( except for Stinger and his anti-Rosa mendez gifs) , and as you can tell by the post count, EVERYONE was into it just as much as I was. Sorry if I blew everyone’s twitters up , but it’s been “mark-out madness” for me since this weekend. From what I can tell, the twitter love was a-flowing anyways, so I jumped on the bandwagon.
All that being said, I really hope all of us who have so much fun together can figure out a way to go to New York and meet up next year. I’ve never been, so I might go early and do the tourist-y thing, but I’d be down to slam some beers with y’all, have dinner in a fancy place, or go practice suplexes on homeless people for money. I don’t care. Something. Anything.
Oh well. Thank you all for making my weekend entirely enjoyable. It would not be possibru without everyone contributing. YES.YES.YES.
That sounds like a great idea, and count me the hell in. (And knowing people like you enjoyed it so much makes how shitty my body feels a little happier.)
YES! YES! YES!
Say it loud and there’s music playing! Say it soft.. and it’s almost like praying…
I’ll gladly do Rosa gifs if no one asks for random audience girl gifs and pics.
MrsTHESTINGER and I are definitely going. In the next few months we’ll start organizing something. We can try to get a set of hotel rooms and try to get tickets so we can all sit close. It would be the awesome.
I would love to meet up with you guys at some point. I will most likely be staying with friends in the city, but definitely want to hit up Axxess/indie shows with the Stroudmouths.
Rooms are cheap at the Newark Airport, & the former Meadowlands is on NJ Transit as well…
I don’t want to be the guy who finds joy in the sadness of kids, but I’m just saying.
Wait…whu??? #Unfollow (loljk!)
well, CERTAIN kids
True story: when we were little kids, my mom took my little brother and I to a WWF house show. Undertaker had a match with Ultimate Warrior and after he beat Warrior’s ass unconscious, Paul Bearer helped him stick Warrior in a body bag. It made my little brother cry, and this fucking guy turned around, saw him and started laughing. For years I thought that dude was a prick, but then I got old enough to hate children and thought better of it.
When I was 4, I lived in South Carolina. My father was in the military, and often times would have to go to Charlotte for drill. On those weekends, mom and I would often travel with, and hang out in the city while he was doing whatever.
Well, one evening, NWA was at the Charlotte Coliseum, and he managed to get tickets on the floor (because hey, military), and took me to see my first matches. The only match I can remember on the card…was Dusty Rhodes vs. Ric Flair. IN CHARLOTTE.
So midway through the match, Dusty nails flair with a Bionic Elbow, and Flair blades like…well…like Flair. Four year old me LOSES HIS SHIT, because OH MY GOD, THAT MAN IS GOING TO DIE, ISN’T HE, WHY AM I WATCHING THIS?
I caused such a scene that I had to be taken to the bathroom to calm my shit down, and while I DID calm down, I refused to go back in to the arena.
So yeah, 4 year old me is an idiot who missed out on watching Ric Flair vs. Dusty Rhodes IN CHARLOTTE. When time travel is possible, I’m going back in time and punching myself in the face repeatedly.
Just as a sidenote, When I attended Raw recently, a bunch of kids helped me hold up my Funkasaurus cut out letters and chant his name. But I’m not sure they understood what they were doing. Also, their parents didn’t seem to care that a 27 year old man was talking to their 7-9 year olds.
Trap Jaw McMahon Helmsley FTW!
+Rhodes for the recap
B, I hate to break it to you, but they probably would have moved you to a different seat if you had said something to the staff. Apparently a lot of people were pissed about the palm trees and since they didn’t know about them when they sold the tickets quite a few people got to sit somewhere else.
I read about that later. Ah well.
Good thing to keep in mind for next year, though. If they have 4 gigantic skyscrapers holding up a steel cage or whatever, I’m going to be pissed.
Aaaaand now I’ve given them ideas. Sorry, you guys.
*runs around with sparklers* YAAAAAAY STROUD IS BACK! Yeah the moment they said the Stooges were hosting I immediately wished you banished to an airport like Tom Hanks…Sometimes, we have to make difficult decisions, and as much I enjoy reading your stuff I enjoy awesome Raws even more. And the nest time you get someone to fill in for you make sure they don’t suck.
If I get to go to Wresltemania 29 I’ll try and keep potential palm trees in mind when buying tickets.
If they appear appear not in character, maybe the three stooges thing won’t be so bad. I know Will Sasso is a huge wrestling fan from back in the day, but I don’t really trust the WWE writers to have him do anything entertaining. Lets just hope they keep it backstage, and don’t waste any ring time.
Oh no,I just remembered the Sasso/Hard feud of 97.Now I have to go erase over those memories by watching the Ziggler/Brodus head butt over and over some more
I wonder if having giants tickets will help me get tickets to mania…….either way im definitely going
Thanks for this report Brandon, this really cheered me up after having a crappy day. If you come to Mania 29, I’m coming to say hello to you. Living in New Jersey will finally pay off! My crappy day has nothing to do with ordering the pink Ziggler shirt 2 weeks ago, and it being back ordered for 30 days, come on WWESHOP!
Wait, was Mania a tax write off for because it was business related? If so, good for you, sir.
Brandon with the Chickbusters… Dreams do come true. Congratulations good sir.
Great write up and glad you had a good time before the Entertainment Show.
Oh and I think I figured out what is going on with VKM and DB.
VKM: Laurinaitis, I’m bored. What play thing can you offer me today?
Laurinaitis: An obscure wrestler in the Indy System, your majesty. The fans refer to him as the American Dragon.
VKM: How wonderful he wrestles.
Laurinaitis: Your Majesty. Will you destroy this, uh, Dragon?
VKM: Later. I like to play with things a while… before annihilation
Fast forward to now and you get….
Savior of the Universe
He’ll save everyone of us
He’s a miracle
King of the impossible …..etc
All of the Rhodes for that, DD
Now I know why ‘Gargoyle Scissors’ is trending worldwide.
Does that Feces Decapitation Finisher come with the Big Bad Brandon DLC on WWE12? And what would that finisher be called? Sorry you had the palm tree experience, that super blows.
Oh cool, you were at WM24, too? I remember there being palm trees at that one too…and the power going out…and fireworks killin’ folks! #Work
I’m sure most people here follow Our Boy D-Bryan, on Twitter, but in case you don’t: he Tweeted this evening that a YES! YES! YES! shirt is in the works, and may be available “as soon as Monday.”
Perhaps obvious, but YES! YES! YES!
I would like to apologize to everyone for not all the way through to Brandon’s “Yes! Yes!” reaction from the crowd.
biggest possible +Rhodes for this gentleman, for without him the John Laurinaitis impression video and Scott Stanford mark photo wouldn’t have been possible.
After reading through I’d like to add Johnny’s communion suit ruled.
AND I had big time Cena haters around me and these guys could not be dumber. The guy to my left was bitching about how Cena has only 5 moves blah blah blah and his execution of an STF is “sloppy”. The last thing I wanted to do is argue with this guy but holy shit The Rock has just as many signature moves and performs the worst Sharpshooter ever. We only see what we want to see though…
Yeah, almost nobody in WWE has more than five signature moves. If you have too many moves you become a “technical wrestler” and people call you boring.
Brandon, why can’t all wrestling be just like Fire Pro?
I long for the day when WWE will see the light and liberate the wrestlers from their creative shackles, and follow in the example of ROH and the pro-wres of Glorious Nippon. When will they open their eyes?
Tweeted, Facebook’d, Google+’d, and Tumblr’d
Great job and point of view, once again.
you, as always, are the best.
Honestly, your encounters with wrestling kids just sort of depresses me. I’d like to think that when I was a child, even a small one, I could come up with a better rationale for who I liked than BOO HE SUCKS *thumbs down*.
I like to think I did too, but I probably didn’t. I was the most emotional kid, and the success or failure of the Rock n’ Roll Express determined how good of a day I was gonna have.
I remember Sebastian Bach, but he’s from where I grew up, so I guess I have to.
I also saw the damn set (after missing the D-Bry loss while on streetcar) and immediately said to my friends “So WTF, what if you paid like, 100 plus bucks to sit there and be blocked by a palm tree? I’d be pissed.” Sucks that it ended up being you.
+Rhodes to you and belatedly to both of your fill-ins!
At least I’ve got a fun story about staring at palm trees to tell forever.
I did read some reports that if you complain about it to event staff they would move you to seats with a better view.
So…Kaitlyn. AJ. What did they smell like, exactly?
No idea, I was just trying not to act really stupid in front of them.
Nice as always. I enjoy these recaps more than anything I read online it seems, no offense of course.
Edge looks like a white Randy Moss, that is all.
Fyi, never say the Rock was out of shape and Cena carried his ass to Rock fans. I’m still getting hell about that comment.
He was in perfectly good shape, he just isn’t fit. Like, he LOOKS great, but he’s working out for vanity now instead of fitness.
Katie vs Kharma for WM29!
I honestly think she could do at least as well as Maria Menounos.
And better than half the divas division. Get her to the next tough enough tryouts!
Brandon brought up something that I’ve been curious about for a while.
-wrestles like a samoan
-has tribal tattoos
-has the very whitebread/80′s territory wrestler name of George Murdoch
-used to be a bodyguard for Snoop Dogg
-had a cryme tyme gimmick in developmental
-has a black momma in kayfabe
-is sepia toned
WHAT ARE YOU, FAT DANCING DINOSAUR MAN? IT DOESN’T MATTER BUT I MUST KNOW.
This column gave me a strange, incredible feeling, like how god must feel when he reads a best/worst
God doesn’t have a mark photo with the Chickbusters!
Then he isn’t taking full advantage of his position.
I can’t tell if this is a result of some kind of hero worship, but I find it very rare that I disagree with anything Brandon says. Not only does he seem to share the same strange fascination with Jesus Christ Superstar as I do, this might be one of my favorite B/Ws from the last year made possible by the fact that he basically said everything I’ve been saying to people since Sunday night (yes, I require validation from people on the Internet) and how excellent a job he did at describing the experience of the whole weekend. It’s making me look forward to next year’s ‘Mania since I’m likely going to it. Excellent job, Brandon.
P.S. You can bet that if this blog ever spiraled out of control because of Brandon’s eventual rise to Internet wrestling fame, I’ll be up on the rocks like so much Judas singing “Too Much Wrestling On Their Minds”
Spoiler Alert: BRAAANDOOOOOOOOOON!
This is maybe the best way I’ve ever been compared to Jesus. I don’t know how to love this comment.
I didn’t think I could be more excited for next years Mania, but seeing the pictures and stories from Axxess and the events all week have me downright giddy. I work at Metlife Stadium so I’ll be at Mania itself (and get paid damn good money to be there as well!) but I think I’m more excited for everything wrestling related in the area that week.
hook a brother up
A very good picture of you and Layla as well as you with the Chickenbusters. *Takes sip of Water* Mr. Stroud, you truely are, a king amongst men.
The Last Mania I went to was XIX. Looking at your pictures and reading your stories, I definitely have gotten the watching Wrestlemania Live itch again. If only they could bring ‘Mania to the West. I’ll be all over making a long flight to the Americas for that.
I disagree with your Cena/Rock match assessment. I thought it was a decent match made better due to the hype around the match. My only complaint is that Cena should have won that match. I think Cena winning would have made the match better as he seemed to carry that match more than I thought he was capable of doing.
Hi Brandon, I love your reviews on wwe. I look forward to them when they come out. I’m a fan of your work and I know you have people sending you gifs and what not. May I also help out and send you gifs that I made as well?
Edge = Jayson Werth.
More importantly, those two guys sitting in front of you? Multiply them by 1,000, and you just described every crowd I sat in at the ECW Arena all through college.
Finally – as excited as I am about Brock’s return just from a storyline perspective, you know what has me the MOST excited? The prospect that at some point in the not too distant future, Brandon will be using the phrase “F’s 5″.
Edge is basically the reason I draft Jayson Werth to my fantasy team every year. +Rhodes for you, sir
You must have been pretty pissed at Edge all last season.
There is a severe lack of Taker drooling on HHH.
Brandon: If we don’t get a b/w of WM X-7 I’m going to start complaining about your work rate on internet forums about professional wrestling (columns).
I WILL COMPARE YOU TO SCOTT HALL.
He’s not busting his ass enough for the Boys in the Back!
Oh god no. No one deserves that.
The man wear sweatpants.
I guess I’ll be the only one who’s looking forward to the Three Stooges being on RAW … I know it’s wrong, and all evidence points to the contrary, but I can’t shake the feeling that the movie might actually wind up being funny.
I dunno, it might because they got the “eye poke” sound effect right in the trailer, I have no idea …
If the ACTUAL Three Stooges showed up, I would die and go to heaven.
However, I will never get excited about Will Sasso interacting on a wrestliing program ever again. [www.youtube.com]
*lovingly scratches your head* Good report kid. You’ve got the juice now.
No, I was blading him.
I like to consider my reports fly like a pelican
So if the three stooges are hosting raw, is there a slim chance of Kate Upton turning up dressed as a nun?
if that happens, it’ll be the biggest Best of all time
My favorite part was HHH’s near Gallagher-esque murder of Undertaker
I know, I wish we’d brought clear ponchos to protect ourselves from the brain splatter.
Wrestlemania: the poncho! $24.99
When D Bryan lost i wanted to find you so we could sulk over WWE’s raping of our emotions
Wait a goddamn minute. Brandon, are you a Springsteen fan?
Worth the wait! I had the show on in the background during some gaming with my friends, and they all said the game got very quiet for about a minute during the Sheamus/Bryan debacle. I believe I may have mouthed “Are you fucking kidding me?” and then relegated the show behind 14 Chrome Tabs of D&D SRD.
Regardless, I waited anxiously to see your take on the show, so to determine whether or not I should bother checking out the rest of the show… and, you know what, I think I may just wait for clips of Jericho/Punk to wind up on YouTube.
Great write up, and well worth the wait!
Best: AJ sitting on the ropes to no discernible effect (she looked ungodly cute)
Great B&W Brandon. Your rant was everything I wanted it to be and more but I’m glad you were able to work past the “Event” and enjoy the rest of the PPV. You were obviously not alone in your disappointment. The friends I had over (who only watch on ‘Mania) were upset by the simple fact that was a “belt match!” So they understood my pain…
-Your Johnny impersonation has me cracking my shit up even during a third viewing so to you I say, bravo.
-Those freaking palm trees… Who the hell thought those were a good idea. Just goes to show how little the WWE takes the fans into account “no no, I’m SURE our paying customers would love to stare at pseudo bark for 4 hours!” Blegh.
-DickPunch needs to be in WWE’13
-Castle Grey Skull HHH is the best HHH, a close second being WM22 Fur Panties Conan HHH.
-I can’t even type anything about the wonderfulness that is Dolph without fangurling so I’ll just smile, sigh and point to the ‘Mania sign.
-Those drunk guys in front of you. ::shakes head:: Somehow, every event I’ve gone to since the start of the Attitude Era has had at least two of those in front of me. Of course, none of them have had such awesome tattoos. They usually proceed to drunkenly try to explain to me why it isn’t right for Token Foreign Guy to be rasslin in ‘merica! (after they’ve slurred through America the Beautiful) and of course yell WHAT at eeeevvvveerrrryyyything. Once at the RAW when Y2K debuted, one of them tried to convince my little sister to get on his shoulders so we’d “totally get on camera!!” She politely declined and the girl who did take him up on the offer ending up on the floor when he fell off the chair he was standing on. Neither of them made it on camera but the memory remains… ::cue song we’re using instead of Metallica for the DVD::
Just watched Smackdown. Skip the next paragraph if you haven’t watched yet!
That one segment reminded me of being eight years old, crying into my pillow with my parents yelling at each other downstairs. But worse. But also tempered by the knowledge that its just pro graps “acting” and not my two favourite people on TV screaming and crying for real. Ricardo stealing the mic from Lilian at the end of the show made me feel better.
But silver lining = BIG JOHNNY’S NEW THEME AND TRON
I will admit though, angry Daniel Bryan is scary.
He does a really good job of scary yelling. He and AJ could do Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf or some shit like that.
I have a theory: you can tell whether or not the company *really* wants a guy to get over by looking at his T-shirt. If it’s boring, or really ugly, don’t hold your breath for an extended push. Cases in point: The Nexus, The Corre, and CM Punk’s first couple shirts. Remember the ribcage shirt and the taped fists shirt? There are some shirts that I’d be kinda embarrassed to wear outside of a wrestling show.
All that being said, here’s Bryan’s new T-shirt: [www.wweshop.com]
It’s not ugly, and there’s not a lot they could do with a simple catch phrase, but… I don’t know. I *do* like the logo on the back. I’ll probably buy one of these pretty soon.
The ribcage shirt and the taped fists one are a couple of the maybe half-dozen wrestling shirts I would ever consider spending money on. Different strokes!
I own the taped fist shirt … I’m not too embarassed to wear it.
THESE DUDES PUT A LINE THROUGH GOD’S NAME… EPIC FAIL!!!
I love that you registered just to not get a strikethrough joke. You’re weird.
I’m watching Smackdown only out of sheer curiosity to see if the WWEeyuniverse actually does anything post-WM that works into any storyline. Still confused as to when the whole separate leagues thing ended and also why they even have this show.
WORST: NOT BEING ABLE TO GIVE YOU YOUR OTUNGA MUG AND ALSO MEET YOU AND STUFF.
Seriously. It’s just sitting in the backseat of our car looking lonelier than Marty Jannetty, and like it’s filled with sadness and regret. Possibly also like Marty Jannetty.
My boyfriend is also disappointed because he was totally willing to give you a completely platonic bro-style (I hope) Miz/R-Truth chest bump. Then you both could have made power fists (as apparently this is just what all boys who like wrestling do) and it could have been awesome.
All the sads
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