Best: Santino Versus Ricardo
This segment featured
2. Saying things that are jokes to an audience who will laugh because they think it’s true and not a joke
So you’d think I would’ve hated it, but … I don’t know, it might’ve been my favorite moment on the show. Something about Ricardo Rodriguez keeps me from hating even his worst segments, and Santino EXPOSING THE BUSINESS by saying the Cobra is just his arm in a cobra costume and not a real cobra was shoot funny. Plus, this puts to rest my ongoing questions about whether or not Santino is an Animorph or f**king Moses or whatever and can magically turn his arm into a literal poisoned cobra. Part of me wishes it was magic, but that part of me always wishes it was magic.
Other things to love about this: Santino mocking Alberto Del Rio for driving his car into the building (which is a correctly stupid thing to point out and avoids removing a Jenga block from the character’s foundation like Cena’s “you just RENT these cars” crap), Ricardo trapping himself in his own jacket and becoming resigned to his own fate instead of, I don’t know, lying down quickly and rolling away and Ricardo’s incredible 360 sell of the Cobra. Sometimes the dumb wrestling comedy hits me in the right place, I don’t know. I even enjoyed Santino fleeing up the ramp like he had to take a dump.
Worst: One Of These Guys Is This Color Naturally
Randy Orton versus Alberto Del Rio is a match that should never happen on television. I’m not that guy who complains about getting good matches for free on TV instead of them making me pay 60 dollars to see anything worth a damn, but all they really accomplish is meandering back-and-forth that ends with somebody running in for a sneak attack or a forgettable disqualification. Nobody ends up looking good, and you could’ve accomplished the same thing by having Wrestler A say “y’know something josh” backstage and immediately get attacked by Wrestler C.
On top of that, Randy Orton knows how pointless these matches are and is the king of mailing them in. I like a lot of what Orton does in the ring, and despite him being all Diamond Dallas Page about it and playing out a contest that was built with f**king Legos backstage I think he can go. Put him in the ring with Christian or Punk or whoever and give me a small amount of consequence and he can keep up and do “WWE Style” as well as anyone. When he knows he’s got four minutes and somebody’s running in? Yeah, no.
Del Rio came into the WWE against Rey Mysterio and they’ve done him a disservice ever since. Hey WWE, I know you guys have motherf**king Rencor Latino dangling in the breeze, let’s see some Cruzeta Invertida on Raw.
Best: Chris Jericho Has No Idea What’s Happening
I don’t think a wrestler has gone from important to SUPER UNIMPORTANT as hard in four months as Chris Jericho. Most of the time I forget he’s even a character on the show. I’ve got a 50 First Dates thing going on with him, he runs out in leather pants and attacks somebody and my brain needs like a day and a half to figure out who he is. This is the guy who had arenas losing their minds for 20 minutes at a time without saying a word. Now he’s running in to interrupt an undercard Raw match and start feuds with guys for no reason. “Randy Orton, you ALSO didn’t win at Over The Limit and I am SO MAD AT YOU!”
He should just run in and attack guys like this all the time. Show up in a Ryback match, give one of the jobbers a Codebreaker and just stand over him grimacing until they go to commercial. I hate to say it (because he’s one of the best performers we’ve ever had), but damn, I can’t wait for Jericho to bail again so they can give these segments to Miz. At least Miz looks sad enough to be in them.
Worst: WWE Is The Most Socially Active
Does WWE’s parents know about this?
Did You Know graphics always make me want the show to fail so they’ll get funnier. “Did You Know? More people in the United States Coast Guard Reserves watch WWE Raw than any second-run Tyler Perry sitcom episode on TBS between 3-6 PM!” Or they go in the other direction: “Did You Know? WWE Raw is The Alpha and The Omega, The Beginning and The End. The Morning and The Evening Star!”
Best: This No Way Out Commercial
I will personally buy 5 copies of the blu-ray if they include a 65-minute full silent film version of this commercial. This is the greatest thing ever. I also hope 411mania.com/wrestling believes that rumor I sent them about how Inside Sources say this commercial is foreshadowing an AJ turn that will lead to Daniel Bryan being squashed by A Train.
I want more like this!
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