Best: John Cena Is Pretty Awesome When He’s Allowed To Be A Confident, Declarative Dickface
He is. It’s one of the things I liked about him in the Rock feud (at least in parts of it) and during the early days of the Summer Of Punk … Cena as a dynastic monster who can’t imagine losing is a compelling character. John Cena the Underdog who NEEDS THE HELP OF YOU THE FANS isn’t. That’s what he usually is. Here, he’s like a modern Diesel, a guy who is basically a heel but he represents admirable shit like THE TROOPS and FRIENDSHIP so kids and ladies love him. He’s Diesel for kids and ladies.
When he’s like this, he’s able to spit truth. Maybe not truth I agree with 100%, but something that SOUNDS like truth, and a wrestler sounding like they mean what they say is the most important thing in the world. Cena’s explanation for his merp-face when he loses matches is believable … he never once considers that he’ll lose, because he ALWAYS WINS, so when that Hustle Loyalty and Respect don’t come out on top it’s just mind-boggling to him. And he hears a guy like Punk demanding respect, and he thinks that’s terrible because respect is EARNED, and HE earned respect of the kids and ladies by NEVER LOSING. He’s wrong, in a way, but he’s also completely right. If you’re gonna do shades of gray, do shades of gray that make sense.
Also, I’m kinda jonesing for Punk to show some vulnerability on the mic and get shut down by somebody. He’s WWE without a WCW. He needs someone to go at it with him on his level to push him to be smarter and funnier and more truthful and better. That’s why his stuff with Laurinaitis missed the mark so often. Laurinaitis isn’t trying to outspeak him. Punk needs a guy like Dean Ambrose or a motivated, purposeful and not-recently-divorced Cena to counter his first draft and make him revise. That’s good for business.
Best: Any Excuse To Kick Jerry Lawler In The Head
I liked this. Jerry Lawler deserves to be kicked in the head all the time, for everything.
Worst: The Hilarious “WATCH ROCK VS. CENA ON SATURDAY” Graphic Over Punk’s Show-Ending Moment
If they did this on purpose, it’s the best moment of the show.
Lawler refuses to call Punk the Best In The World (after calling him Best In The World a billion times on commentary over the last year … sorta how he said Punk couldn’t electrify anybody moments after mentioning how Punk had changed the direction of WWE with a promo) and gets kicked in the head, which to the WWE Universe is another betrayal or whatever. Punk squats next to him and puts on a mean face, and in a perfect world that’s where the show ends. Punk does something dastardly (but justified), show ends on the WWE Champion like he wants it.
Then suddenly a big WATCH OUR WRESTLEMANIA SPECIAL THIS SATURDAY FEATURING JOHN CENA AND THE ROCK THE ONLY TWO IMPORTANT PEOPLE IN THE WORLD YOU GUYS graphic splashes across the bottom of the screen. So unbelievably perfect, and if they don’t notice it and do something about it I’ll throw my TV through the window.
Best: Top 10 Comments Of The Week
Sheamus would immediately be my favorite wrestler if he just called ADR a member of the hateful bourgeois class, and that he will gladly join the heroic proletariat and peasant revolt against those that seek to expropriate their labor! No war but class war!
I hope CM Punk names KENTA as the #1 Contender and we just get 30 minutes of someone doing CM Punk’s offense the way it’s supposed to be done
CM Punk names Doink #1 contender so he can say clownshoes a few more times.
The YouTube pre-show really was a lot better than the end of PPV RedTube post-show.
Shawn is actually holding up those stills from Summerslam and slowly moving them in front of the camera.
The North Koreans think the HHH treatment tonight is “a bit much.”
Science shows that if you throw a Diva out of the ring against her will she’s immune from being eliminated.
I bet Tout is helping authorities solve a lot of Juggalo-related crimes.
John Cena is starting to sound a lot like a WCW Thunder select screen.
[JTG sprints out]
PUNK YOU ARE THE BEST IN THE WORLD I GET A TITLE SHOT RIGHT?
Bonus: Live SummerSlam/Raw Report
As an added bonus, the last page of this week’s report features a live report from SummerSlam, SummerSlam Axxess and Raw from Best And Worst reader Christian Lukens. Check it out and show him some love, because his stories about Damien Sandow are so unbelievably great. Plus, he got to stand next to Vickie Guerrero. If you like it, follow him on Twitter.
No, the fact that he made this and brought it to Raw had no bearing on my decision to include his report. Cough.
I want more like this!
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