Worst: Thanks For That Pointless Announcement, GM Pantsuit
Cool announcement, bro. Any chance you could announce Sheamus vs. Alberto Del Rio for the World Heavyweight Championship again? That’d be rad.
I miss AJ.
rrrrrrrAAHH KAITLYN IS BETTER THAN YOU
Best: Blood, Incessant Forearms, Stupid John Cena And Everything That Could Make CM Punk Vs. Jerry Lawler Great (Except For The Crowd)
I’m not going to exaggerate because of how good I WANTED it to be. CM Punk versus Jerry Lawler in a steel cage on Raw was, honestly, boring as f**k. The opening was outstanding, with Punk giving Lawler the first shot, Lawler reluctantly taking it (but taking it with all he’s got) and Punk’s epic sell of it. The ending was great, too, with Punk getting busted open, throwing a Rock Bottom (that Michael Cole didn’t call, because he’s THE VOICE OF THE WWE AND CAN FOLLOW BASIC STORYLINES) and tapping Jerry Lawler out before tapping him out for real. I even liked Cena, who ran out but got so overcome by his RIGHTEOUS EMOTION that he forgot the cage doesn’t have a ceiling. He ran over to tell the timekeeper to raise the cage (because him yelling at the production truck wouldn’t make for a compelling in-arena gesture), which was smart, then stood there like goofy John Cena while nothing happened and Lawler died.
The match, though. Whew.
The guy chanting boring in the crowd is an asshole, but he’s right. You shouldn’t EVER chant boring at a wrestling match, but it was boring. Lawler’s still pretty good but For Real 60-something, and Punk’s good in the ring but not as good as he thinks. Compare and contrast this with Daniel Bryan vs. Mark Henry for an example of what I’m talking about. This one was closer to Show/Kofi Kingston.
I think it works, though, in the sense that WWE main events, especially the ones on television, aren’t about what happens in the match anymore. They’re about “moments”, about the feel of the match when it starts and the memory of how it ended. Those were all great. The story moved forward, and as dumb as it is for Cena to valiantly protect Jerry Lawler (a guy who’d sell him up the river in 5 seconds flat if he did something heelish and got booed for it), Punk got to look like skeevy, malicious Punk, Cena got to look like a baby-loving super hero and Jerry Lawler got to look like a shar pei that got run over by a car. Win, win, win.
Worst: All Right, After Night Of Champions Let’s NOT Have This Same Pay-Per-View Again
Via the fine folks at Punchsport Pagoda.
Best: Top 10 Comments Of The Week
So does Vintage Miz mean that he still lives in a loft in NY with 6 other people?
If Brodus and Sin Cara are gonna tag team, then Sin Cara needs to ride in Brodus’s singlet like a baby kangaroo.
I think “Harold” was the best work Maven ever did.
Game Over? I’m not going to insert any more quarters into this bullshit.
I bet Little Jimmy knows the difference between Green Bay and Milwaukee.
“The times when you have seen only one set of footprints, is when I carried you.” – Triple H
You’re not making Triple H better, you’re making Motorhead worse.
“I love me, Pop.”
Frightened Inmate Number Two
“I never wanted to be the guy that rolled into the ring because someone was willing to cut him a check.” But I thought HHH always wanted to be Ric Flair?
HHH GET OUT OF THE BROCTAGON!!!
Best: Live Reports From The Big Giant Head
Did you see that big giant head floating in the audience during the opening segment? The one that probably kept the Punk/Lawler opening promo from getting uploaded to WWE Fan Nation?
I did. He’s the awesome Dan Ryckert of Game Informer, and he was nice enough to send me a live report of the event. That’s on the next page. Click the link to follow him on Twitter, if you aren’t following him already. Jesus, I should really check these beforehand and make sure they’re terribly written and unfunny so I can stop being overshadowed by them.
Anyway, take it away, Dan.
I want more like this!
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