While I’ve yet to try Ron Swanson’s guaranteed hangover cure, I have tried hundreds, if not thousands, of others and not a single one works. Hell, there was even a time when I would have paid a million doll hairs for a case of XXX Vitamin Water because I was convinced that it was the ultimate hangover cure, but it turns out that 50 Cent and the makers of that sugar water bullsh*t were simply full of crap. If I can’t trust a mediocre rapper for my vitamins, who can I trust?
But it appears that some UCLA professor/doctor/scientist types have their eyes on the lucrative, untapped market of leaving frat boys’ bathroom sinks unclogged, as UCLA’s Yunfeng Lu and Cheng Ji are hard at work on an actual, honest-to-Pappy Van Winkle cure for the common hangover. Sorry cancer, maybe next year.
It has been tested on mice and was proven to work. The “cure” consists of alcohol metabolizing enzymes that reduce alcohol levels and therefore reduce the hangover effect.
Professors Yunfeng Lu and Cheng Ji started the test by intoxicating a few mice and then injecting them with nanocapsules of two enzymes. They found that those mice who received the injections became sober quicker than those who didn’t receive it. (Via Opposing Views)
Basically, what they’re trying to do is create a pill form of the human liver that can release those enzymes and kill the alcohol faster. However, in much more simple bro terms, “these bros are totes gonna crush that pussy headache so we can wake and bake before picking T-Bone and Herpe Dave up from the campus po-po and bombing Jager shots so we can destroy those Delt pussies at Anchor Splash!”
Of course, the KGB would have us believe that they invented the ultimate hangover pill during the Cold War, as RU-21 has been marketed in the U.S. and England for quite some time. And if you don’t believe the KGB, then maybe you’ll believe these famous people you’ve never heard of.
I want more like this!
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