Best: EGO loves me, this I know, for the intro tells me so
Magnus kicks off the show by saying that he doesn’t have anything to say because he said it all in the ring, and then says a bunch of other stuff because Magnus should never be allowed to speak on TV ever. And look, I don’t want to say that my disdain for Magnus has reached the point where I take some kind of sadistic glee in two guys I like and one guy who is good at holding up photos beating the tar out of him, but I maybe kind of sort of did.
This can all go one of two ways: Magnus can grab that power star (usually called “Wrestle Cody Rhodes” elsewhere) and use these three to challenge himself and rise to a higher level, OR he’ll be left floundering and gasping for air because he’s in the deep end of the talent pool and forgot his floaties.
Either way, if I said I didn’t shout YEAH DANIELS KICK HIM RIGHT IN THE WINTERGREENS, I would be straight up lying. Sorry, Magnus.
Best: Holy sh-t that guy bought that AJ Styles shirt, or Better Best: That guy wearing an ACH shirt
One guy recognizes that ACH is the best, and one guy voluntarily paid real human money for a shirt that spells out AJ’s name in male ejaculate. Had the first guy been wearing ACH’s new Dragonball-inspired shirt that kinda looks like he’s riding a giant sperm, Brandon would have to take over because I would be dead from immature giggles.
(But seriously, you should buy all of ACH’s shirts because he is the best, and I am good at telling you how to spend your money. Just sayin’.)
Worst: Is this a wrestler I see before me?
Once upon a time I watched a production of Macbeth put on by a group of second graders. If there are two things I can take away from that, it’s that 1) tiny kids with tiny swords and big words are adorable, and 2) every single one of them was a better actor than Magnus.
Best, I guess: At least MEM remembered they’re a thing?
“Come on, Sting! Magnus asked for one of them, but now all three members of EGO are beating him up! We’ve gotta go save him!”
“Goddamnit Joe stop yelling at me you’re gonna make me mess up my Crow lines! UGH, NOW ONE OF THEM IS CROOKED AND I HAVE TO START ALL OVER ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?”
(The answer is no, Samoa Joe is probably always miserable.)
Best: Chris Sabin turns his smarm into charm
Chris Sabin as an intentionally condescending prick “encouraging” Manik while taking the credit for being the heart and soul of the X-Division and paving the way for him to be champion? And then calling him Tiger? Yes. This is a thing I want. If TNA is actually learning from their mistakes and having Sabin amplify the worst things about his title run into the best thing about him losing it, then TNA is learning from their mistakes and I can’t give this a bigger best.
Best: Jeff Hardy vs. Manik
It wasn’t long, but it didn’t have to be. Jeff Hardy gets to pull out all of his familiar spots and do all of the things that keep people spending money on multi-coloured nylon armbands and facepaint, and he’s smart and with it enough to know how to play to Manik’s strengths and make him look good, even in a loss. Even if Manik is the champion of a division that’s in the worst shape it’s been in in a long time, putting him against Hardy makes him look strong, and helps legitimize a belt that could feasibly have, what, three challengers? Are we even up to three?
Best: There’s at least one
If Sabin can keep being a douche, and not overplay it (he’s dangerously close), this could be a wonderful thing. No one respects him! Smarmy dickbag heels forever!
Note: I will also accept Chris Sabin going full Dangerfield. If he starts saying that his father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet, and he and Velvet Sky were happy for twenty years – and then they met, it will shoot be the best thing TNA has ever done.
I want more like this!
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