Best: Smarmy dickbag heels forever!
Love you, Mickie, even if this doesn’t go your way.
Best: TNA is learning
Using Joseph Park to distract me from Mickie James losing the title? I never stood a chance.
Best: No really though, Joseph Park
Is not understanding why Joseph Park is the best thing on television right now still a thing? Are you guys still playing at that nonsense? Are you not charmed by him celebrating a win by drinking chocolate milk? Did him saying “How dare you, SIRS” not make your heart grow three sizes? ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED? But really, how are you not entertained? Joseph Park believes in everything he says. His love for Impact Wrestling, his friends, and saucy pork ribs is real, and real touching. He wants to be there. He wants to be successful. He doesn’t want people to be mean to him or his friends, and he has four cats, two of them named Gimmick and Tater. His brother (you know, Abyss? *holds hand up over her head*) is a big scary monster who secretly loves hugs in person. He stands for honesty and justice and friendship and casual track suits. He is the most Danielle wrestler to ever wrestle and I love him with all of my heart. If you can’t get on board with that, you should probably go back to posting “lol this is gay wherez Abyss” on all of his YouTube videos and leave the rest of us to our blissful Park-filled existence because sirs and madams, there is no place for you here.
Best: A Fine Bromans
Eric Young takes umbrage at the Bromans’ insults towards himself, his wife, and his best friend (because friendship-based wrestling is the best wrestling), so he decides to take on Robbie E. Also, so Joseph Park doesn’t ruin his suit. That’s a good dude right there. Robbie E gets rolled up in no time, making him huffy and embarrassed, and that leaves him no choice but to call out Joseph Park, the opponent he chose in the first place. Joe Park of course rolls him up and gets the immediate victory, which leads to the following Bests:
1) The Bromans have a tag finisher, and tag finishers rule
2) They performed said finisher on EY after the match, which is fine, because they’re two friends united by their douchebro-edness, and I both brake and mark for wrestling friendships
3) Joseph Park will not stand for this, goes to the place that only he and I guess Randy Orton can go (they must have a timeshare deal), and delivers a super pretty Black Hole Slam to Robbie E
Best: Kyle, in the conservatory, with the TOTALLY NOT FAKE lead pipe
I like to think that this guy knows how to punctuate properly, but couldn’t think of a better way to update his agent on the progress of his murder mystery novel. Spoiler alert, jeez.
Bonus Best to Mike Tenay for having that face.
I want more like this!
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