Worst: Who are we supposed to root for again?
I know EGO might be fan favourites, or “smark” favourites if you like being that person, but come on. Magnus does the “just a minute” finger, which anyone who has ever worked in retail or in the food service industry or not been an asshole knows is a straight up dick move. Sting goes to the back to get his bat despite this being a fair fight without a No-DQ stipulation. First Sting gets a bat, Riff brings a knife, Chino brings a gun, and then I’m left to wander around my apartment like a post-dinner theatre Linda Belcher, all snapping fingers and jazz hands and song narrations of everything I’m doooiiiing toooooniiiiight!
The point is that musicals are great, and the good guys are acting like real jerks.
Best: “The talented feet of Samoa Joe”
His kicks are okay, Tazz, but have you seen his soft shoe? He moves like a dream!
Best: Roode wins via Baseball Bat
Holy crap, Magnus IS Tony. The only thing that could have made this better is if Samoa Joe threw himself on top of Magnus shouting DON’T YOU TOUCH HIM, then dramatically walked to the back with his towel over his head.
Best: AJ Styles is almost right
AJ Styles says a lot of things in this promo that are…almost right. I mean, Jerry Lynn retired, so he wouldn’t exactly be sticking around, but if he’s going to suddenly be incredibly self-aware and copy pasta the general sentiments of any TNA internet discussion, this is the way to do it. He can’t call out Hogan and Sting, but picking on Dixie is the most effective way to go. And I dig it. If you read this report on a regular basis, you know that this is the exact thing I called for when I suggested that Dixie should be all of the worst parts of Mrs. Carlson. Sure, it’s been done before by the company TNA is supposed to be an “alternate” to, but being anti-authority isn’t anything new. Daniel Bryan’s doing it. Punk did it. Stone Cold did it. But pick any movie with an overbearing boss and it’s been done. It’s a common trope that works on every level because we’ve all had sh-tty bosses who make poor decisions, and we can identify with being frustrated and feeling trapped by someone higher up who just doesn’t understand what it’s like to do the job that keeps the company running.
Best: The Marginal One
Dixie Carter, get out of my dreams and into my car. She just set my world on fire, and that is something I never, e-e-e-ever thought I would say. AJ Styles might be almost right in everything he said, but Dixie just brought that Sugarbaker sass she should have had in the first place. She’s right. AJ Styles isn’t what he used to be, and it’s entirely dismissive of him to say that he built this company when there are a number of people who wrestled better matches and bring in more money than he ever did. It is her ring. It is her daddy’s paycheque. He is an above-average fish in any pond, and the only way I could love this more is if she starting insulting him via satellite from her private jet.
I hope to god we can get through this whole thing without upsetting gender-specific insults, because I am beside myself. This is right. This is good. Keep doing this and everything might just be okay.
I want more like this!
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