Best: Sasha Banks Is Still History’s Worst Actor, But This Match Was Pretty Good
I’ve given Sasha Banks a lot of shit recently for having the acting ability of a trout and not being able to understand complete sentences, but she’s getting better in the ring and put on a nice little match with NXT Women’s Champion Paige. At one point she jumps up out of a knucklelock and turns it into a victory roll, and everyone watching went “oh shit, Sasha Banks” in unison.
At some point we’re gonna have to canonize Sara Del Rey for the work she’s done so far in WWE developmental. Yes, I know you can only canonize dead people, but you know, we might as well consider “Sara Del Rey” a dead person.
The stuff after the match wasn’t great because Sasha needs to be able to aptly communicate the feelings of a human being to a wrestling audience and she can’t do that ANYWHERE, but making her a finger-snapping Bella Twins-esque person is gonna get her a lot farther in WWE than trying to make her likable. If that doesn’t work, make her Curtis Axel’s girlfriend and get them over as a pair of Kevin and Brittany dolts who can barely walk upright and we love them for it.
Worst: Seriously Though, Holy Shit, Sasha Banks’ Acting
Look at her face. That’s “devious happiness.” That’s the face she used to describe feeling “totally awesome” after losing to Paige and attacking her from behind. She guffaws her way through some dialogue, then rests her head on Summer Rae’s boob. Even Summer’s like, “ehhh, okay” about it. Not sure where they’re going with this, unless they’re going to “everyone hates Sasha Banks.”
Worst: And Now, 15 Minutes Of Leo Kruger Doing An Armbar For No Reason
Last week I declared Corey Graves vs. Rick Victor the most boring match in NXT history, but man, Leo Kruger vs. Xavier Woods gave it a run for its money.
I’m not a big fan of Woods — he’s such an Impact Wrestling guy in style, wrestling and presentation I can’t get over it — but he’s usually fine in the ring. I like Kruger as a character and performer, but his wrestling’s always been a little shaky. So what do we do with them? Why, we have Kruger attack Woods backstage for no reason to set up a match in a week, have Kruger slowly (“methodically,” which is WWE code for “f*cking slowly”) work an armbar for almost 15 minutes, have Woods do nothing X-Division Exciting besides a headscissors or two and then boom, have Woods win the match with a clothesline and Gail Kim’s finisher. It was not great.
I really hate Woods’ “IT’S MORPHIN TIME” move for two reasons
1. they really have no idea what to do with Woods, because he’s a smart guy who is supposedly into 1990s pop culture but all he does is reference 90s things in passing en route to being STEREOTYPICAL WWE BLACK WRESTLER #1, with the afro and the James Brown split and the dancing. So sure, he’s yelling POWER RANGERS before he does a move, but what the f*ck does that have to do with Power Rangers, and
2. it involves using every part of his body, meaning no matter HOW the heel wrestles the match, Woods has to no-sell some kind of injury to make it work. He’s not gonna sell having his neck worked, because he’s got to flip on his neck for no reason. He can’t sell the leg, because he needs both of them to land out of a flip and jump again, when he could just run forward and hit a clothesline. He can’t sell the arm, because he uses the arm to hit the move. And you can’t do much of ANYTHING with an injured torso, but in WWE logic an injured torso only hurts you if you try to splash somebody with it.
And sure, Woods made sure to use the uninjured arm for the clothesline (and to his credit sold the arm when he was trying to hook Kruger’s leg for three), but he’s still getting his ass beaten for 20 minutes and doing neck flips. Can’t handle it. 20 MORE MINUTES OF ARMBAR, PLEASE.
Worst: The Show Ends With Xavier Woods Dancing And Yelling FONKAYYYY At The Camera
Please tell me Sami Zayn is on next week’s episode.
I want more like this!
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