Worst: Next Week, TRIPLE H
NO, STAY AWAY FROM MY BEAUTIFUL SHOW
Worst: CJ, You A Busta
The second half of the show was the main-event, an 8-man tag team match pitting Tyler Breeze, the Ascension and Leo Kruger against Team Never Gonna Make It, aka “the babyfaces on this show who aren’t Sami Zayn.” You probably gathered that from the header image. Hulu put up a clip from the match, but it’s the less interesting part:
Here are a few things I didn’t enjoy about it:
1. Seriously, NXT has a lot of enjoyable bad guys and almost nobody “good” I can sincerely cheer. Zayn is remarkable, but he’s off in his own universe. The CM Punk of NXT, the guy who gets to have his own storyline while everyone else “unites.” I know they’re more interested in him doing burpees than getting over, but Kassius Ohno needs to come back with THE QUICKNESS. And maybe bring Solomon Crowe with him.
2. I’m not alone in thinking this. Listen to the crowd’s reaction during the match. They spend the entirety of it wishing Tyler Breeze would get into the ring (more on that in a second) and giving those good guys not much more than polite applause. Neville’s finish gets a nice reaction because it always does, but it has Neville attached to it so nobody cares until he starts balancing on the top rope. Corey Graves continues to wrestling in jeggings and blow. Bo Dallas already got turned heel by the crowd, let’s no turn EVERYBODY into Bo Dallas.
3. I ranted on Xavier Woods a lot last week, but man, “Lost In The Woods” is the dumbest finisher on the show. He has to wait until you’re kneeling, hit the ropes, then sorta slide under your arm and do a reverse STO. So basically you’re falling from a very short distance and you’re protected by his entire arm landing under you. Oh and he calls it f*cking “Lost In The Woods” because his last name is “Woods.” If you saw the latest promo school videos, he’s trying out a “see ya, WOODSn’t wanna be ya!” catchphrase. The guy already has “90s pop culture guy,” “dancing WWE black guy” and “getting a PhD” gimmicks. Does he need CAN’T STOP WORDPLAYIN’ WITH MY SURNAME on top of it?
4. CJ Parker is like I watched a bad wrestling match and it came to life as a sentient smoke creature, like when that kid tries cigarettes in Cartoon All-Stars To The Rescue. Can Garfield and the Ninja Turtles show up and help me get rid of him? Is that what Xavier Woods is trying to do?
5. just tag in Breeze already
Best: Tyler Breeze, Cowardly Heel And SUPER FACE
Tyler Breeze is the man.
If you’re watching the full show on Hulu, skip to the end of the last commercial break and listen to the crowd. They spend 100% of the time anybody other than Breeze is in the ring chanting stuff like, “TAG IN BREEZE,” “WE WANT TYLER” or simply “BREEZE! BREEZE! BREEZE! BREEZE!” He milks it, too, sitting on the ring apron watching Team Never Gonna Make It apply armbar after armbar, and then BOOM he tags himself in and the crowd ERUPTS. He does ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, gets punched once and TAGS RIGHT THE HELL BACK OUT. For not the first time in his short career, Tyler Breeze gets a “that was awesome” chant for doing nothing but existing fully-formed.
How are you supposed to boo him? NXT’s crowd is less about a large group of peoples’ stimulus response to good vs. evil stories and more of a celebration of new WWE Superstars who are doing something right, and Tyler is doing everything right. The fact that he’s barely done anything since his debut is part of his charm. Like I said, Zoolander is the hero of his story. He’s vain and stupid, but dammit, he’s our guy. The fact that the tag-ins and tag-outs were building toward the finish of the match and not just an asinine thing he was doing to get himself over makes it that much better.
Worst: “this Face Finisher sequence is the most depressing thing I’ve ever seen”
I urge you to get an NXT friend. You know, someone else who watches the show regularly you can chat with about it, because hey, there really aren’t that many of us. My NXT friend is David D. from The Smoking Section, and asking him about shit like this is my favorite. The emboldened words are his response to the finish of the match, wherein Tyler Breeze tries to pull his tag in/get punched/bail gag one too many times and gets ditched by his teammates, leaving him alone to get hit by everybody’s finishers and lose. And OH MY GOD they are the saddest finishers. CJ Parker’s finish is a slap, which is not gonna work unless he’s dropping the hippie gimmick to be Jushin Thunder Liger, and Corey Graves somehow manages to top that by DOING A SHOULDERBLOCK TO THE THIGH. Who are you, greaser Mongo? I HATE YOU, COREY GRAVES.
Anyway, on top of that, this was David’s opinion of the match.
Fake CM Punk and Nakoa-Wolf Manakauapo Namakaeha Momoa on the same apron with the 90s Black guy is the most TNA that a WWE match has ever looked
He managed to burn Impact and Lisa Bonet in the same sentence. NXT friends are the best.
I want more like this!
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