Best: Renee Young Gets A Pop
… which is appropriate, because Goldust also has a huge pop.
But no, Renee “Paquette” Young getting a huge reaction from the crowd because she’s Canadian and gorgeous and great at her job and they’ve all known this for years is wonderful. Her Bumpit is reaching CRITICAL MASS, by the way. And hey, now that you’ve seen Renee with Goldust, here’s Renee as Goldust.
Trust me, I’m going through the same thing you are right now.
Worst: Jesus Christ, Announce Team
Maybe it’s been a while since they’ve said something to piss me off, but God, how awful was the announce team during the Divas six-person tag? AJ’s on commentary trying to talk up the importance of the Divas Championship and get the ‘Total Divas’ feud over, which is nigh-impossible at this point, and all Jerry Lawler can do is ask her about her tattoos, call her ugly and talk down to her. Michael Cole calls her “fiesty.” They aren’t listening to her. She says all she cares about is wrestling and the title belt, and Jerry just goes “lemme, lemme, lemme” until she finishes, then asks her if she’s jealous of the other girls. It’s like talking to a brick wall with its dick out.
She tries admirably to stand up to them, dropping in one of those Jerry Lawler Law Bombs about how he’s a statutory rapist, but no amount of that will counter the ingrown disrespect and ignorance that needs to be forcibly removed from every old white man allowed to speak for a diverse, publicly-traded company in 2013. The easiest way to remove that would be to remove them. “Guy who hates women,” “guy who hates liberals” and “guy who says whatever we tell him to” is the worst-ever combination of announcers and it would not kill them to employ somebody who isn’t speaking from the tip of their cock 24/7.
Worst: AJ’s ‘Real Divas’ Team
To those assholes’ credit, though, AJ’s point IS ridiculous. She hates the cast of ‘Total Divas’ because they showed up to be models and actresses and not wrestlers. SHE’s a real wrestler, and she’s put together a team of like-minded, “real” Divas to counter them.
Just to type it out-loud, her team is Layla (who got here because she was a Miami Heat dancer who won the Diva Search), Askana (a fitness model who does not even possess the wrestling ability of dirt) and Alicia Fox (who got here because John Laurinaitis saw her in a fashion catalog, and who kayfabe entered WWE as a wedding planner). Oh, also? AJ and Askana came in on a WWE game show called “NXT season 3,” alongside Naomi, who I guess only showed up to be on a reality show several years later. And sure, Natalya got here because of nepotism, but she did wrestle in SHIMMER, which gives her as much indy street cred as anybody good at Full Sail.
AJ should just clarify, say she hates Eva Marie and Jojo, have everyone agree with her, and then everyone beats the mess out of Eva Marie and Jojo. Happy ending.
Neither Best Nor Worst: Alberto Del Rio Vs. R-Truth
If a wrestling match happens in the woods and nobody’s around to hear it, does it make a sound? And more importantly does that sound roll its Rs when it introduces people, because guhhh I hate that sound.
Best: Santino Vs. Cesaro
Quickly moving away from the Alberto Del Rio/R-Truth match, here’s a match that was about a thousand times better than it needed to be: caped Antonio Cesaro taking on the returning Santino Marella, who “likes to have fun” according to the announce team, in the style of worked-shoot Beaver Cleavage.
As regular readers of the Best and Worst of NXT column or the Best and Worst of Superstars column that doesn’t exist might know, Antonio Cesaro’s been tearing it the hell up lately. He had the arguable Match Of The Year against Sami Zayn, had the best match Dolph Ziggler’s had this calendar year against Dolph, and now here he is throwing ridiculously-long giant swings and Europeanly uppercutting Santino Marella to death. Pair that with a hot crowd and Santino, who is fresh by proxy of not having been around in a long time, and you’ve got something special.
I wasn’t a big fan of Cesaro losing, but losing is what Cesaro does on Raw, and Santino can steal a fluke victory here or there without hurting anybody. If this leads to Santino having an extended feud with Cesaro, I’m all for it. If he feuds with Cesaro and Swagger (and Zeb), I’m even more for it. If he brings back Vladimir Kozlov and they try to pass themselves off as Real Americans, I’m even more more for it.
Best: GIANT SWANGGG
I want more like this!
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