I had a good feeling that the San Francisco 49ers would struggle a little bit in the early weeks of this NFL season, what with Michael Crabtree and Mario Manningham both not expected to play until at least Week 7. But I thought that Colin Kaepernick would be able to get by with his own two feet, Vernon Davis and Anquan Boldin, and especially Frank Gore, Kendall Hunter and LaMichael James in the running game. I was wrong, because I am almost always a big dumb dummy.
With the 49ers not using the read option, Kaepernick was an absolute mess this week. At first I really thought that Seattle had given him the yips last week, but then I realized that he just had no receivers to throw to. Either way, it was just brutal watching him play this week, and if you were counting on him as a mid-round answer to the elite QBs this season (*points to self, twice*) chances are you’re probably chewing your finger nails off right now.
You Probably Didn’t Stand A Chance If You Played Against: Drew Brees, I guess.
On the other hand, there were no massive performances this week that could have single-handedly destroyed one team’s chances. There were several receivers who definitely could have contributed heavily in destroying someone’s chances, but the question is, “Were they even started?”
The QBs That Probably Broke Your Hearts In Week 3: Colin Kaepernick, Eli Manning, Matt Schaub, Josh Freeman, Joe Flacco, Alex Smith, Robert Griffin III, Aaron Rodgers, Michael Vick, Philip Rivers, Jay Cutler, Andrew Luck, Tom Brady
Kaepernick certainly wasn’t alone this week. However, I had the pleasure of not only starting him but also having Matt Schaub on my bench, so I was screwed from the get-go. And if you’re starting Josh Freeman at this point, well, send me your address so I can get you a nice funeral arrangement, because that’s just brutal. As for the rest, that’s two elites and five borderline elites that didn’t even make it to 10 points this week.
I’ve said it after Weeks 1 and 2 and I’ll say it now – this season is f*cking weird so far.
The RBs That Probably Broke Your Hearts In Week 3: Daryl Richardson, CJ Spiller, David Wilson, Rashard Mendenhall, Stevan Ridley, Ryan Matthews, Knowshon Moreno, Arian Foster, Darren Sproles, Marshawn Lynch, Lamar Miller, Chris Johnson, Doug Martin, Frank Gore
I am thankful every day that I didn’t have the chance to draft CJ Spiller. That’s not to say that I don’t think he can turn it around, but with the way I freak out about RBs each week, I’d be pulling my beautiful dirty blond hair out in clumps right now. But please don’t think that I’m pouring on the salt, friends who have Spiller. Not only did I have to sit Ray Rice this week, but I had to start Stevan Ridley and Rashard Mendenhall.
That raises an important question for a lot of us – what the f*ck do we do with Ridley now? I was “lucky” enough to grab him at my 3/4 round swing (when I should have clearly taken a receiver) but I know that a lot of people probably took him in the second round, and now we’re all watching him lose carries to Brandon Bolden and Legarrette Blount, and eventually they’ll all be moot when Shane Vereen gets back. Honestly, I can’t even give Ridley away right now, but I also won’t drop him to waivers and risk him blowing up next week. If I’m dead, this is exactly what I imagined my purgatory to be like.
The WRs That Probably Broke Your Hearts In Week 3: Hakeem Nicks, Dwayne Bowe, Lance Moore, TY Hilton, Roddy White, Mike Wallace, Eddie Royal, Victor Cruz, Vincent Jackson, Andre Johnson, Brandon Marshall, Randall Cobb, DeSean Jackson, Reggie Wayne, Larry Fitzgerald, Pierre Garcon
Hakeem Nicks is furious with Eli Manning for barely even looking his way this week, and considering Manning was just as awful as Kaepernick, it seems like Nicks might be on to something. I only included Royal because there’s no way that anyone who grabbed him off waivers could have truly believed that he was going to keep putting up multiple touchdowns each week. The rest of these guys should be fine, everyone has their bad weeks.
I’m curious to see how much Mike Wallace benefits from this sudden “good” offense in Miami that features multiple receiving threats. I mean, the Dolphins signed one of the fastest guys in the league to a huge contract and Joe Philbin and Mike Sherman still don’t seem to trust Ryan Tannehill to air it out. As a Dolphins fan, that makes me furious. But if I had Wallace in fantasy, again, all this gorgeous, styled hair being torn to shreds.
The Year Of The Tight End Sputtered
Depending on your league’s scoring, only five TEs scored in double digits this week, and chances are only three of them were actually started. Jimmy Graham is making me look like a complete douchebag schmuck for saying he wasn’t worth a second rounder, and that’s good because this is how he should play. Jordan Cameron continues to be a freak of nature and even had me considering Brian Hoyer as a post-waiver pick-up. (By the way, shouldn’t Brandon Weedon get another shot? He didn’t have Josh Gordon, so this is kind of f*cked up.)
Otherwise, Antonio Gates looks five years younger and Scott Chandler performed how a lot of us thought he might. Beyond that, most of the other TEs were good for what I like to call the “F*ck it, I got 4” points. Hopefully, Vernon Davis will return to be another double digit guy this week so I won’t end up trading Kaepernick for a future 13th round pick.
I want more like this!
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