Times are still pretty tough for suspended Milwaukee Brewers outfielder and former MLB MVP Ryan Braun ever since that whole “lied about taking a bunch of performance-enhancing drugs” thing went down. For starters, the SURG Restaurant Group has cut ties with Braun and his Milwaukee restaurants due to his lies and piss poor public perception right now, but he also still has that daunting task of getting fans to like him again ahead of him.
Braun has decided that instead of just winning them back by playing well next season – since sports fans don’t really give a sh*t what you did wrong as long as you’re socking dingers – he’s actually going to call all of the Brewers season ticket holders and personally apologize for going Deep Cover with his lies. I doubt he’ll also apologize for the Brewers sucking this season, but if his teammates were smart, they’d make him take the blame for that, too.
Milwaukee’s CBS 58 spoke with one season ticket holder who offered up the gist of the phone call.
“Hey Pat this is Ryan Braun,” Guenther recalls. “Right then and there I knew it was his voice based on interviews I’ve seen on TV. I knew damn well it was his voice.”
“I said what can I do for you? He said, I messed up, in a nutshell, I messed up. I just want to reach out and say I’m sorry. I cut him off right there. I said you know Ryan, I think you’re an amazing athlete and this speaks volumes to your character to reach out to a small business owner like myself and let us know that you are going to do better.”
“Who hasn’t made a mistake? People move forward. I think that’s what Ryan is trying to do. He’s moving forward. He has no other option. Be better, help his ballclub win games and win the hearts of Brewers fans like he has for many, many years.”
Well, that’s one fan. Several thousand fans left to go. I also spoke with my friend in Milwaukee who is a season ticket holder as well, and he gave me this transcript of Braun’s apology to him:
Braun: “Hi, this is Ryan Braun. I’d like to apologize to you for my mistakes.”
Friend: “Okay, so what happened?”
Braun: “Well, I thought that I needed to use performance-enhancing drugs to speed up my recovery from an injury, and that injury hates Jews.”
Friend: “Wait, what?”
Braun: “Yeah, and the doctor I went to was like, ‘I can’t treat you because you’re Jewish’ so I had to use steroids.”
Friend: “You had to use steroids because your doctor was anti-semitic? That doesn’t make any sense.”
Braun: “I don’t like that tone. You sound like you hate Jews, too. Maybe even black people. I think you owe everyone an apology.”
Friend: “What? No I don’t.”
Braun: “Yes. Yes you do. You’re the bad guy now. I’m telling everyone. I’m hanging up on you, bad guy. This is all your fault, not mine!”
I want more like this!
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