Worst: Manik is definitely not Personality spelled backwards
Look at everyone in the ring. You’ve got:
Jeff Hardy – arguably the biggest star TNA has who isn’t senile or Hulk Hogan, shoehorned into this angle but it doesn’t matter because Jeff Hardy
Chris Sabin – Newly crowned King of the Weenies, recent Heavyweight champion, hates Manik, likes his girlfriend, hates constricting ring gear
Kenny King – Jilted former X-Division champion, hates Austin Aries (and everyone else who stands in the way of him getting his title back), may have crippling Five Hour Energy addiction
Manik – Once looked like he was going to shit himself on national television, supposed nice guy, just happy to be here
The most I can think of when he’s on screen is “I wonder if Manik has those carbon-coated fibres in his gloves that let him use a smart phone when wearing them.” I bet they don’t even work, but he doesn’t want to say anything because he’s too nice, and again, he’s just happy to be there. If he were half as good as Ricky Steamboat I might forgive this supposed family man, but good lord he’s been X-Division champion since July 25th and not the other guys is the most notable thing about him.
Well, that and the revelation that keeping his mask on is the only thing that stands between him and a massive evacuation of his bowels.
Worst: Ultimate X, more like…Ultimate….X….um….nevermind, just read the paragraph
Hey, it’s actually pretty cool that they’re going to have an Ultimate X match at Bound For Glory. I mean, you’ve got four guys with legitimate reasons to compete, and Jeff Hardy really wants to put the XTREME in Ultmate X, and…wait…*counts on fingers* Jeff Hardy….Manik….Austin Aries….Chris Sabin…..um…we’re forgetting someone, aren’t we? Someone who we’ve already determined has a reasonable gripe and a perfectly logical place in this storyline? Someone who has FIVE HOURS worth of energy, even though he’ll probably only need about twenty minutes of it? Is there even a way to accurately portion control Five Hour Energy? Does he have to go back on another “special vacation” to pet horses and fall in love with Viggo Mortensen because he’s a little too reliant on the…you know…*points to nose while making sniffling noise*….the taurine?
Worst: Old man conversations
But of course, Hogan. Bischoff was terrible, and you never had anything to do with what happened in Immortal at all. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z6YHwhQt008
I guess this should technically be a Best, because sometimes, something is so bad all you can do is laugh. And laugh. And then maybe cry a little because you remembered Immortal, and it was real awful, and Hulk Hogan and Sting apparently don’t remember, and old man memory loss is sad.
Hulk Hogan is presented with a gift by a PA, assumes it is a coffin (!), fumbles with and then breaks the box because apparently his Hulk hands work like actual Hulk Hands (!!!), and then claims that Dixie is way worse than Bischoff, because Bischoff never gave him anything (???????????).
I’d call my grandfather to help me decipher this Old Man Code, but he’s halfway across the country, his hearing aid doesn’t work so well on the phone, so then he’d have to pass me over to Nanny, and I don’t think she’s ever even heard of Sting. Plus then we’d have to go through the normal conversation of “this person got divorced, this person has diabetes, this person has cancer, this person died.”
The moral of the story is that old people conversations are depressing, and that is basically the ugliest couch ever.
Best: Spot the ghostwriter
“After 35 years, I never thought I’d see someone worse than Bischoff, but you know what, she is!”
Gee, wonder who wrote that line.
Worst: He’ll take them all – he’s hardcore!
Magnus is trolling us at this point, right? There’s no way someone can ramble on for that long, not letting Sting talk (almost your first Best, Magnus, almost), and hurling exposition at us faster than that one baseball player who throws REALLY fast? I’m….not Brandon, guys. I’m sorry. I haven’t watched baseball in years, and if you asked me to name a pitcher my first response would be “sometimes Dasher Hatfield.”
Regardless, can we agree that no one could possibly be so delusional as to think themselves as talented as he does when they’re truly the biggest pile of garbage, right?
***please note we would have also accepted The Wrestling Industry, At Least 71% Of.
I want more like this!
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