Best: Seriously, honey
There you go, Dixie. I don’t much care for the name dropping (Mr. Stephanie Levesque, jesus), but everything else was on point. She’s sassy! She straightened her hair! Her keychain says YOU GO, GIRL and yeah she does! She bought sexy old lady boots and she’s not going to let anyone get in her way!
I’m cutting her a lot of slack for the misspeaking and flubbing the delivery of some of her lines, but hey, she’s new to heel town, and it’s to be expected from someone who appears on their own wrestling show…not a lot. I don’t mind it, and I especially don’t mind it when she’s right. AJ was asked to leave the building, he snuck back in, and interfered in a match that had nothing to do with him. Accepting the boos directed towards her and implying, nay, encouraging them because she thinks AJ Styles should be booed? Come on. That is undeniably hilarious. Patronizingly explaining what carte blanche means? Bless Your Heart-ing Sting? No Dixie, bless your heart.
This is what I need from Dixie Carter. She’s referencing things that happen on the show. She’s taking charge. She’s calling out Sting for making a match for himself when he has no right to because he’s just a wrestler, and has no business doing so. If you’ve read the column at any point in time, you know how much it irks me when matches get made that bypass the established chain of command. She’s making salient points in the most condescending way possible, and she’s not a face so it’s mind-numbingly frustrating. She’s ticking every box, and as much as I think she’s a pretty crummy person, kayfabe President Dixie Carter is kicking my ass in the very best way. There’s a reason she’s had a controlling stake in the company for eleven years and people still say she has no idea what she’s doing (besides Patriarchy). Eleven years would mean a literal butt-tonne of cred anywhere else, but not learning from your mistakes and letting everything consistently run itself into the ground negates all of that. Hopefully this is the real TNA GENESIS of something special, and it’s onwards and upwards from here.
Get on the Dixie Train, boys and girls, and enjoy the ride before it invariably jumps the rails and ends in disaster.
Worst: Moment of panic
Even though it makes the most sense, guess how hard my stomach lurched when she said Jarretts. I fully expected them to jump the gun and send him in now, and those few seconds of anticipation for Jeff’s entrance music were the opposite of fun. So if you guessed “instant nausea,” congratulations, you just won the most accurate description of my feelings towards Jeff Jarrett.
Worst: Whatchoo gonna do, AJ?
AJ says that after he wins his match at Bound For Glory, he’s going to make both Bully ray and Dixie pay. See, this is where it makes it hard to take AJ seriously. If he’s no longer under contract, and his match at BFG fulfills his final contractual obligation, then what is going to do? Win or lose, he’s done. He has no recourse should Dixie take the belt away from him after a victory, should that happen. I mean, I’m pretty sure TNA doesn’t make you put down an exorbitant deposit on the belt, so he can’t just Ric Flair it and show up at some indie promotion shortly afterwards claiming it as his own. I mean jeez, it won’t even have his name on it.
However, while these things don’t make sense now, TNA is building up enough good will that I want to see how it all turns out at Bound For Glory. It might not be for the right reasons (as my desire to watch AJ Styles wrestle is virtually non-existent), but I want to have that trust that it will be addressed and handled in a compelling and entertaining way. Aside from Joseph Park and now EGO, that trust is something I don’t have. I’ve been conditioned to expect the worst – I think we all have. But the hope is always there, and it would be nice if that hope, for once, was not in vain.
Worst: Aries vs. Hardy
Basic wrestling fact: Wrestlers have movesets, and the more we watch, the more familiar we become with them. It’s not a bad thing. Good wrestlers can fill the space around those moves with interesting spots and transitions that keep you entertained, and when those signature moves are hit, it gets us excited. Signature move one, signature move two, you know that sh*t is over WHOA HEY FINISHER ONE TWO THREE MATCH DONE TIME TO CHEER.
One of the things I’ve most enjoyed about watching Aries wrestle is when he doesn’t follow that predictable pattern. This…this is not one of those times. While there were some great spots, and both are undeniably talented, this match was so unbelievably boring. I often criticize Magnus for his overly choreographed Dancing With the Stars-style tendencies, and that same criticism can be applied to this match. The transitions are sloppy, and Aries missed missile dropkick that still would have been at least a foot above Hardy’s head was laughable. Hardy throwing Aries out of the ring with a headscissors is a fine idea, but Aries standing, practically sauntering to the ropes, and then pitching himself to the outside is borderline embarrassing.
This is where the peanut gallery breaks in to say that both are talented and it was a great match, but pairing two talented wrestlers (with one clearly phoning it in) does not a great match make, and this is definitive proof.
Worst: Hey girl, I heard you like Ring of Honor so I put some Ring of Honor in your Ring of Honor leftovers
I JUST applauded you for calling out self-created matches what are you even doing TNA stop that thing you are doing.
Worst: Magnus and Sting have a
circle jerk conversation
My moratorium on Magnus remains, so please enjoy ten hours of the Lost Woods theme from Ocarina of Time. You’re welcome.
I want more like this!
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