Best: The Most Fun WWE Match Of The Year
I’ve been having a bad week. The reasons why range from serious (my grandmother is in the hospital battling pneumonia and heart failure and just had a tracheostomy this morning because she can’t breathe or eat on her own) to facetiously serious (the Cleveland Indians left 60,000 runners on base and lost their AL Wild Card playoff game). I’m not gonna say the Fandango and Summer Rae vs. Emma and Santino Marella match made any of that better, but it certainly didn’t hurt.
As the emboldened words say, I think this might be the most fun WWE match of the year. Before it the bell even rings we get a short Renee Young cameo, Santino and Emma getting their signature entrance walks mixed up and an assisted skinning of the cat to get Santino into the ring. Then Santino slips on the ropes trying to pose, gets a ONE MORE TIME chant and a whoaaaaaaaa YAYYYY for successfully posing. The match hasn’t started and already I’m smiling so hard I can’t stand it.
The match starts, and it gets better. This is the perfect crowd for Santino and Fandango because they’re a WWE-product-accepting bunch, but they’re also smart and courteous enough to buy what the wrestlers are selling. The crowd obviously likes Fandango a lot, but they’ll boo him for his heel antics and chant “you got served” at him in a butt-shaking competition. Everyone plays their parts magnificently here, and by the time Emma gets a cobra puppet on her arm and starts threatening people with it it’s just off the charts. Maremma is a magical team and if they could team up forever (possibly on Raw, never as boyfriend and girlfriend) I’d be the happiest. Santino’s got a magic touch with Divas, doesn’t he? He made Maria Kanellis, Beth Phoenix and Tamina all interesting and identifiable at different points in his career.
I’ve been down a lot on Fandango in the Raw reports, but if he could be like this all the time and get into creative beefs with guys who can actually wrestle and entertain he’d be fine. Like how Bray Wyatt should be wrestling guys who can eat the Sister Abigail with authority instead of having to stagger around with Kane and R-Truth. Dirty Curty has always worked best as a comedy guy, so more Santino mixed tags, fewer sloppy catch-as-catch-can things with Miz and Chris Jericho.
Best: Renee Young Balances Out The Awfulness Of Alex Riley
Alex Riley did his best to ruin Renee Young’s second week of Diva-based commentary with some thinly-veiled “hey Renee, let’s have a threesome” talk, but she’s cool and clever enough to roll with it and recover. During her time at the table she threw shade at Disney World (saying she’d rather go to Universal Studios … cue 411 with the RENEE YOUNG TO TNA?? rumors), revealed her facetious secret affair with Fandango, made The Cobra seem like the Pedigree and got the entire table doing the Emma dance. She even snuck in an “I don’t want you two rubbing off on me” entendre at the end. If they camera had stayed on them 10 seconds longer, I guarantee you Riley’s response would’ve been “this reminds me of the time I rubbed off on the Miz.”
Renee Young is the greatest, and if she could just bring a sword to the announce booth and chop off Alex Riley’s head at some point she’d be the best person who ever lived.
The second match on the show was short, but it was almost as good as the first. Kassius Ohno made his return to the NXT ring — complete with a winky winky nudgey nudgey reference to going to the gym by Riley — to face Luke Harper of the Wyatt Family.
Cooler and more alienated-from-society wrestling nerds may love these two from their time in Chikara, when Kassius Ohno was Chris Hero and Luke Harper was exactly the same. I was surprised to see Ohno go down so easily after his thing with Brad Maddox last week, but the match was what you’d want it to be … hard-hitting, quick and occasionally brutal. A guy who went toe-to-fingers with William Regal earlier this year should probably last longer in the ring against a more popular guy’s crony, but after the boot and clothesline Harper put on him, I’m okay with it. Luke Harper is not-so-secretly one of the very best guys in developmental, and if he could get a Raw spotlight that wasn’t “clubber Kofi Kingston from behind” or “try to figure out fire” the audience would catch on. Best case scenario, they’d catch on and start going YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH after everything he does.
Best: Mojo Rawley Is Finally Going To Debut
My only exposure to Mojo Rawley was in a dark match at the NXT tapings I attended, but I’ve been trying to work his catchphrase into conversation for months. If you’ve never heard it, it is I DON’T GET HYPE, I STAY HYPE.” His gimmick is that he’s EXTREMELY EXCITED TO BE HERE and never stops being that. And he wears Zubaz. It’s the most bare bones thing in the world, but combining it with basic wrestling competence can get him over super fast. Mojo Rawley, update us about your current level of hype-awareness!
Also, I really want them to tag him up with Ricardo Rodriguez and call them “Rawley Valverde.”
Worst: I Guess This Page Had To Have A Worst
can we exchange this for one of a different kind plz
I want more like this!
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