Best: Tonight, he feels like God!
Bob Backlund is the guest referee we deserve, but not the one we need right now. At least not the one anyone will vote for, because nominee number three is either Edge, Shawn Michaels, or Owen Hart is going to reveal he’s been alive and living with Aaliyah in South America all this time.
Best?: Goodnight, Bane pants
When Randy Orton cares, I’m a big fan. When Randy cares, we get jumping splits Christian feuds and Miz burials. So I dig the guy lately. Especially because he’s about to kill Kofi Kingston. Do you think Randy is still mad about that car Kofi ruined? Should I keep writing, or did I lose everyone for liking Orton?
Best: Looking Regal!
Daniel ‘burgundy trunks’ Bryan wakes the crowd up with a run in and kills Orton with a hot tag sequence. I don’t mind the good guy attacking a guy who just had a match here. Bryan is a crazy goat man that clearly hasn’t been visiting Dr. Shelby in ages. A lot of people hate the goat association, but where I grew up in Kentucky there is an urban legend called the Pope Lick Monster, and he’s a terrifying goat demon that lives by some train tracks. We respect and fear murdergoats in these parts, ya’ll.
Worst: wait wut
Why is Vickie here? Who keeps letting ADR talk? I appreciate what you did to RVD man, but geez. You’re the World Heavyweight Champion. Back to the parking lot.
Worst: I was really hoping it would be my option C
HBK is our third option for special guest referee. Shawn, are you hunting right now? Do you need the camo? Eh, at least it has a collar. Also, HB ‘shizzle’ makes no sense. And explaining why would just depress me. Go home, Shawn. You’re stealing Backlund and Aaliyah’s thunder.
Worst: wait wut
I didn’t want to show up and hate stuff left and right, but Ricardo wins a match against ADR and Vickie Guerrero announces that John Cena is returning to fight him? Weirder than that, my cats are getting along really well right now. They usually hate each other but right now they look like a calendar. I have no idea what’s happening right now.
At least Del Rio got to break an arm. It’s his Macgruber throat rip, and he’s going for a turkey.
I want more like this!
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