Last season during our accidental “we’ve been doing this for seven years without a break and urgh we’re tired of baseball jokes” hiatus, we missed a major milestone: Jim Thome, our personal hero and Official Chatroom Of Major League Baseball mascot, leaving pro baseball.
Of course, he didn’t really leave pro baseball. He took a “special assistant” job with the Chicago White Sox, and even that might not stick … in an interview with CBS Sports, Jim spoke openly about how he loves and appreciates what he’s doing, but he’s honestly just waiting for another opportunity to swing a bat.
Slugging great Jim Thome is working in the White Sox front office, and he’s loving it. But he isn’t retired. No, not quite.
I asked Thome if he would take a call with an offer for a major-league playing job. And he didn’t hesitate. “I think you’d have to take that call,” Thome, 43, said.
Thome, who is formally a special assistant to White Sox general manager Rick Hahn, last played in 2012. But he still hasn’t announced his retirement, even after sitting out 2013 when no call came. From time to time, word is Thome will remark only half in jest about certain guys getting jobs, suggesting he could do as well, or better.
Today on The Dugout, Jim Thome works in the front office.
The Dugout
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| DonCooperDraperPryce: so heya Jim m’man how’re ya enjoyin’ yer position as “special assistant?” | ||
| WordUpThome: IT’S A TRIP, THIS OL’ DOO-DAD HAS A LOT TO DO EVERYBODY ON THE WHITE SOX SEEMS PRETTY SPECIAL | ||
| WordUpThome: DID YOU KNOW PAUL KONERKO WAS STILL A BASEBALL PLAYER THAT SEEMS LIKE A MISTAKE | ||
| DonCooperDraperPryce: we’re worse than the Royals and the Twins these days so we take what we can get. Our startin’ second baseman is a golden voiced hobo we saw on th’Internet! | ||
| WordUpThome: GOOD GRAVY THIS SAYS ADAM DUNN’S STILL A BASEBALL PLAYER TOO, MAYBE YOU ACCIDERNALLY PRINTED OUT ROSTER PAGES FROM 2005, THOSE HALCYON DAYS OF NATASHA BETTINGFIELD AND PROPER ROACH | ||
| DonCooperDraperPryce: nope, heh, we’re just super sad | ||
| DonCooperDraperPryce: anyway, hit me up on m’flip phone if you need anything, I’ll be in the clubhouse catchin’ up on m’favorite show, ‘Prison Break’ | ||
| WordUpThome: MAY I SPECIALLY ASSIST YOU | ||
| DonCooperDraperPryce: no this is my private time | ||
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| WordUpThome: D’AWW HAMMEDBURGERS I WILL NEVER FIND OUT IF PRISON GETS BROKE | ||
| WordUpThome: /googles “prison break spoilers” by slamming hamfists into keyboard | ||
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| PicardTorborgUp: jimbo! | ||
| WordUpThome: GASPS, THE DEMON | ||
| PicardTorborgUp: again, really | ||
| WordUpThome: DO YOU KNOW KISS. DO YOU KNOW MEMBERS OF KISS. DO YOU KNOW MEMBERS OF THE BAND KISS. MORE IMPORTANTLY DO YOU KNOW TONY SHIVONTAY HE SAYS THEY ARE THE HOTTEST BAND IN THE WORLD | ||
| PicardTorborgUp: jim you’ve asked me this every time you’ve seen me for the last 12 years. you ask me if i know kiss, i tell you i don’t even really like kiss that much except for lick it up and that i’m more of a creed guy, and then you get upset about me liking creed | ||
| WordUpThome: CREED REALLY | ||
| PicardTorborgUp: see | ||
| WordUpThome: CREED THE BAND OR DO YOU MEAN YOU LIKE A STATEMENT OF BASIC BELIEF ABOUT RELIGION | ||
| PicardTorborgUp: band | ||
| WordUpThome: OH | ||
| WordUpThome: WELL THAT IS FINE TOO TOO EACH PERSON UNTO THEIR OWN PERSON BUT KISS IS PROBABLY A BETTER BAND THEY SPAT BLOODS AND ROCKED ROLES AND WEREN’T EVER CREED | ||
| WordUpThome: WHAT IS YOUR OPINION OF ALTERED BRIDGE | ||
| PicardTorborgUp: they’re great | ||
| WordUpThome: YOU’RE A GOOD MAN THE DEMON BUT THIS IS THE MOST UPSET I’VE BEEN WITH YOU SINCE YOU SQUARSHED GOOD LOOKIN’ BOB EATEN | ||
| PicardTorborgUp: well uh, if you need anything and have any questions about how shit works beyond my taste in the sonic brilliance of early-2000s dickhead rock give me a holler | ||
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| WordUpThome: AW SHUTTLEBUGS I’M THE WORST SPECIAL ASSISTANT EVER | ||
| WordUpThome: /googles “how can someone still like creed the band” | ||
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| LosAngelesLaker: hey Jim, anybody talked to you about that radio yet | ||
| WordUpThome: I WAS TOLD THAT I COULD LISTEN TO THE RADIO AT A REASONABLE VOLUME FROM NINER TO ELEVEN, I TOLD BILL THAT IF SANDRA IS GONNA LISTEN TO HER HEADPHONES WHILE SHE’S FILING THEN I SHOULD BE ABLE TO LISTEN TO THE RADIO WHILE I’M COLLATING | ||
| WordUpThome: SO I DON’T SEE WHY I SHOULD HAVE TO TURN DOWN THE RADIO BECAUSE I ENJOY LISTENING AT A REASONABLE VOLUME FROM NINER TO ELEVEN | ||
| LosAngelesLaker: god dammit Jim nobody wants to hear ‘Strutter’ at 9 AM | ||
| WordUpThome: EVERYBODY SAYS IT’S SOUNDIN GOOD, AND THE LADY WHO SITS NEXT TO ME KNOWS IT’S UNDERSTOOD | ||
| LosAngelesLaker: Lose it. | ||
| LosAngelesLaker: Oh, and remember: next Friday… is Hawaiian shirt day. So, you know, if you want to, go ahead and wear a Hawaiian shirt and jeans. | ||
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| WordUpThome: WELL THAT SOUNDS LIKE HEAPS OF FUN BUT STILL | ||
| WordUpThome: /turns off radio /googles “what to do with your time when you’re a lonely old bear” |
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| WordUpThome: sigh | ||
| WordUpThome: BEIN’ A SPECIAL ASSISTANT TO THESE CHICAGO WHITENED SOCKS IS A GREAT HONOR BUT SOMETIMES Y’GOTTA WONDER WHAT IT’D BE LIKE TO HAVE ONE MORE GO AT DINGERS IN THE BIGS | ||
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| MethodAndRedmond: Jim! Just the man I wanted to see! We need your help! | ||
| WordUpThome: HEY GUYS THIS IS JI | ||
| WordUpThome: JIM THOME WHAT ARE YOUR NEEDS | ||
| MethodAndRedmond: we’re the only time I can think of worse than the White Sox! We need you to ditch that stuff front office gig and play ball! | ||
| WordUpThome: WHOA SOUNDS GREAT | ||
| MethodAndRedmond: And it’s the National League, so there’s no DH! You’ll have to start at first base! | ||
| WordUpThome: WHOA I’M IN | ||
| MethodAndRedmond: We’re gonna bat you fourth and let you swing for the fences with big goofy uppercuts on every pitch! And when you hit a dinger, a big fish statue starts exploding and fireworks come out! | ||
| WordUpThome: THIS IS AMAZING | ||
| MethodAndRedmond: and every time you come up to bat we’re gonna play you personalized walk-up music recorded by the only living Marlins fan, rock legend Scott Stapp! | ||
| WordUpThome: NOOOOOOO | ||
