Remember that "major announcement" hilariously coiffed carnival barker Donald Trump was slated to make at noon today, one rumored to involve the Obamas' divorce papers? Yeah, well, we should have been so lucky.

Human horsesh*t dispenser Donald Trump announced today what anyone with a pulse and active synapses firing in the brain already knew: That his flirtation with running for the presidency has been nothing more than a huge c*ck tease to America's knuckle-draggers, the birthers and their ilk, a c*ck tease designed mainly to squeeze more money out of NBC to keep his awful reality show -- which, besides its Thursday night comedy lineup, is about all the network has going for it these days -- on the air.