I’m probably going to Hell for that headline, but I’ll see Laci’s Mom, who does not have it going on, there.

While Martha Stewart was building a billion-dollar empire around her homemaking skills, her own daughter rarely enjoyed those talents in their own house.

The Parents' Television Council is a group of Puritanical fuddy duddies who try to force their version of morality on the rest of society by holding their breath and stomping around until some jelly-spined executive freaks out and gives them what they want.

The exploits of Kate and Jon Gosselin on "Jon and Kate Plus 8" -- her bitchy and controlling, him sullen and passive-aggressive -- were critical to TLC's rise as America's #1 network for freakshow reality programming.

I've had this slowed-down clip of "Toddlers Tiaras" star Eden Wood kicking around in an open browser window for the last couple of days, waiting for some kind of inspiration to say something funny about it.

[caption id="attachment_29570" align="aligncenter" width="600" caption=""Who knows what a blowjob is.

Last week, I posted a clip from "Good Morning America" in which a part-time aesthetician discussed injecting her 8-year-old daughter with botox to compete in beauty pageants.

I'm probably going to be a horrible parent.

You know, every time I think I'm woefully unprepared to raise a child, something like this comes along that assures me that no matter how much I screw up, I'll still be better than the worst of what's out there.