People now want dolphins to assist them with giving birth, and it's not going to end well.

Megan Fox walks out of a pitch meeting about "unicorns, zebras, you're in your underwear... in space" so that she can focus on talking to dolphins.

In the process of discovering why dolphins are so adorably intelligent, scientists found they share a collection of genes very similar to the ones suspected to play a role in horrible mental illnesses.

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For the first minute or so of this video, I had no f-ing clue what I was watching.

Adam Reed's brilliant "Archer" is all set to return on January 19th after a lackluster three-episode run in the fall (sorry, "Archer" is fantastic -- the best animated sitcom on television -- but those three episodes were weak sauce).

Here's something you may not know about dolphins, aside from their enormous intelligence and tendency to kill for fun (seriously: dolphins are thrillkillers); when a dolphin suffers a shark bite, it feels little pain, doesn't lose a ton of blood, doesn't get infected, and in fact barely even leaves a scar.

Weird News, American Style All the great news stories should start with the subtitle, "Police find back door open, marinara sauce on wall".

ABOVE: Remember Smiley Riley the stoned birthday dog.