Ladies and gentlemen of the Internet, I present to you the most disgusting, repulsive local news story I've ever been exposed to.

Once again, it's time to play our favorite game: FLORIDA OR OHIO.

Okay, this is a really sad story, but it's also a story of great stupidity, so I'm going to try to take some of the edge off of this by playing one of our favorite games: FLORIDA OR OHIO.

Oh, local news.