Noted douchebag chef Guy Fieri will be opening a chain of eateries on college campuses around the country. HE'S TRYING INDOCTRINATE OUR YOUTH!

Hey, guess what. You can have celebrity chef Guy Fieri show up at your party, and it will only cost you six figures. NEAT, HUH?

Gordon Ramsay earned $38 million last year, and Guy Fieri earned $8 million. Everything is terrible.

If there are two things I love in this world, they would be (a) watching the Food Network and (b) hijinks of all shapes and sizes.

The guy from "Sweet Genius" creeps me out.

It's no secret that my daily to-do list starts out with the same two things everyday: 1) Make jokes at the expense of Guy Fieri, and; 2) Check in on Aaron Carter and Taylor Dayne to see what they've been up to.

Yes, Paula Deen butter-flavored lip balm can be purchased for $1.

David Page, the man who created "Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives" and produced the first 11 seasons with his Page Productions company, sued Food Network for breach of contract after star Guy Fieri refused to work with Page.

Paula Deen has been criticized for promoting an unhealthy diet rich with butter and sugar -- an odd thing for her to do, considering she has diabetes.