Why yes, that is FDR in a weaponized wheelchair.

Being America’s most eligible bachelor means that I’ve long been an expert of maintaining a sophisticated and stylish home that is indicative of a classy love stallion.

Here we were, acting all high and mighty, thinking that Four Loko and similar caffeinated alcoholic beverages were destroying the lives of young adults across the country, and now a bunch of egghead scientists have shown us the error of our ways.

Last week, I used my Woodstein and Bernward journalistic prowess to gather the latest news on the fascinating Four Loko craze that was gripping the nation.

It doesn’t take a Nobel-winning chemist to know that the combination of caffeine and alcohol isn’t safe.