A few months have passed since we last checked in on the insane world of Craigslist postings, but 2013 finally has its first, “You’ve got to be kidding me” post of the year, and it comes to us from the lovely hamlet of Kempsville, Virginia.

My first thought upon seeing this was something along the lines of, "I wonder how many bearded dudes in Brooklyn, Portland, Austin, New Orleans and San Francisco are gonna jack it to this over the weekend?"