To the untrained eye Nicolas Cage is seemingly in every film and television project ever. This — sadly — is not actually the case. There are plenty of popular projects he somehow missed out on and an argument can be made — slightly ironically albeit — that they would have all been improved if Nic Cage had been in them starred in every single role.

If there was only some way the internet could right this injustice?

Enter: Our Brazilian friend Matheus Candido, the man behind modern masterpiece Nicolas Cage as every Avenger. Matheus recently reached out to let us know he is in the process of answering his life’s calling with a new Facebook page dedicated to photoshoppping Nic Cage in all the roles he should have done. Some make perfect sense. Some make zero sense. Some are precision photoshops. Some look like I made them in MS Paint. All are glorious.

Here are a whole bunch of Matheus’s finest work to inspire us to begin a letter writing campaign to ensure that Nicolas Cage is cryogenically frozen and then replicated in the future when we have the technology.

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After finding myself delighted by this over the weekend I clicked on our Nicolas Cage tag and was appalled to find we haven’t written about the internet’s #1 muse in over a month. One word: Travesty. I blame myself. No wonder I’ve felt a bit off lately. And here I was blaming the pollen.

Well, now’s it’s time to remedy the error, as well as get your week started on the right foot, with this glorious Avengers poster re-imagined by Brazilian artist Matheus Candido: Nic Cage cast for every superhero role in the movie. It would have come in real handy when Cage’s agent pitched the idea to Marvel a few years back. Where were you then, Matheus?

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Movie Miscellany undertook the herculean task of choosing only one hundred Nicolas Cage lines of dialogue for their supercut, with the added difficulty of leaving out all the clips where he just makes strange noises and wild gestures. We’re patiently waiting for that supercut to be made, but will settle for these .gifs in the meantime.

The full list of movies used is below, and — other than the unfortunate omission of Raising Arizona and Peggy Sue Got Married — can serve as a “comprehensive masterclass in Nouveau Shamanic™ acting” as Movie Miscellany calls it. Our favorite part? That scene where he’s enunciating slowly and then abruptly starts yelling and waving his hands.

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With Ghost Rider 2: Retired Hairpiece coming out this weekend and Nic Cage not making another movie for God knows how long the clock is ticking on the Renaissance O’ Cage so I plan to keep making the most of it. And if anyone deserves a 10 Definitive GIFs collection it’s a guy who bench-presses strippers in David Caruso movies.

As you can imagine, it was near impossible to edit this down to just ten. I somehow managed to take emotion out of the equation, scrap all Wicker Man GIFs, and make it happen. Just kidding. This is nothing without bear-suit-lady-punching animation. Enjoy!

Nic Cage skyline Via

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I spend most Saturday nights in an exposed hot tub in the back of a moving limousine, so I rarely catch SNL live, but I watched actual Nic Cage (Nicolas Coppola) in the Cage on “Weekend Update” with fake Nic Cage (Andy Samberg) on Warming Glow this morning, and it was pretty much as glorious as it possibly could of been (minus Seth Meyers’ involvement that Kurp so accurately covers here).

I’m having some trouble with not covering every single aspect of this Renaissance O’ Cage we’re currently experiencing while he promotes Ghost Rider: Permanent Melty Face. So I couldn’t have been more excited to discover that our friends at Gifolas Cage have taken on the epic showdown and given me an excuse to cover it.

Full clips and GIFs after the jump. Many props to Samberg for delivering a tremendous performance while sitting next to the Cage himself. “Pierce the hearts of women both old and middle aged alike.” That’s high praise.

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I’m on the East Coast and not as much fun as I used to be so I’m rarely up past late night monologues, but thanks to another brilliant Archer episode and subsequent GIF-making I was actually awake when Nicolas Cage dropped by Letterman last night. And seeing as how I’m carving a questionable Nic Cage coverage niche for myself around these parts, let’s just say it was meant to be.

Before I get to time-traveling vampires, I want to note that the Cage personality pendulum was leaning “odd-yet-likable” last night, as opposed to the “unstable-and/or-kooky” position it’s normally stuck in. It was a nice reminder of why I just can’t quit the guy. I enjoyed the Cher exchange that gets cut off at the end of the clip a little too much.

Now to time-traveling vampires. Back in the Fall I provided a breathless account (not to mention an under-appreciated Face/Off photoshop) of eBay’s fascination with pegging Cage and John Travolta as ageless bloodsuckers. The interpipes were leaking last night as Letterman discussed the whole thing with Cage — who was well aware, of course — and even provided the side-by-side shot we’ve all been clamoring for. I’m particularly fond of the part where Cage keeps insisting the dude in the old timey photo was mildly retarded, whereas he is not. I also seriously doubt the gentleman in the photo possesses the mental capacity necessary to steal the Declaration of Independence. Full exchange after the jump.

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A piece of me died yesterday when Nicolas Cage announced that he will no longer be experimenting with hairstyles.

“I’ve always tried to experiment with different looks, but I’ve stopped doing that now. You probably won’t see me doing any different hairstyles for a long time.”

As a spokesperson for ironic fans of all things Cage, I’d like to point out that the man’s ridiculous, keep-you-guessing hairstyles are at least half of his appeal. This is well documented. Thank God we still have whatever the hell is going on with his face as well as his weird hairline to keep us occupied — but still, this is a tragic loss.

So to sear the many hairstyles of Nic Cage into our collective consciousnesses (NEVER FORGET!) I’ve put together this memorial challenge. We provide a hair hint and you answer with the correct hairstyle name or film it appeared in. It’s the least I could do in these trying times. Some hints have more forehead than others, but no hints contain eyebrows. That would just make things too damn easy as Nic Cage does the majority of his acting via eyebrows.

7/10 is a passing grade. 9+ sends you to the head of the class. If you don’t guess Con Air correctly feel free to cancel your internet service because you’re using it wrong.

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In case you haven’t heard the original song, it’s here. You’re welcome.

(Thanks for the tip, Jonah)

Being good, upstanding citizens of the internet, I’m sure all of you took a moment of time on Saturday to recognize Nic Cage’s birthday, right? Wait, you DIDN’T?! Oh, well, that’s just unfreakingacceptable, Sparky! How dare you?! Are you forgetting that Nic Cage is a virtual gift from the internet gods, an “actor” whose “acting” is so demonstratively over-the-top that it wouldn’t surprise me one bit if he were the single person or thing that inspired the invention of the GIF.

With that said, I recently ran across “Gifolas Cage” — a Tumblr solely devoted to Nic Cage GIFs — and I can see no better way to honor our esteemed birthday boy than by featuring some of my favorite Gifolas Cage offerings. Flip through them and genuflect at this man’s GIFable greatness. These GIFs are almost as head-on-fire awesome as the man who inspired them. Almost.

(HT: Places We Used To Go)

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