Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt, noted dimwit stars of "The Hills," gave a tour of their house and showed off their machine guns. NO ONE IS SAFE.

Taken at some sort of MTV-related shindig in 2007 or 2008 based on the shows' overlapping air dates and the subdued levels of Heidi Montag plastic surgery.

Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag -- the unapologetic villains of "The Hills" and arguably the most shameless famewhores of the 21st century -- were ubiquitous in the gossip news cycle until America's collective revulsion finally rendered them obsolete.

Buckle in, people.

Being America’s most eligible bachelor means that I’ve long been an expert of maintaining a sophisticated and stylish home that is indicative of a classy love stallion.

Oh man oh God oh man Oh God oh man.

The Hills (MTV) -- Season premiere.

Here are highlights to the year set to auto-tune, and I'm posting this video because I love how shallow and TV-centric it is.

Okay everybody, fasten your sweatpants.