Whether you're six years old or sixty, it sucks to get your bike stolen.

As Uproxx’s Senior Florida Analyst and Resident, I have to deal with the “People from Florida are stupid” comments on a pretty regular basis.

Cidadapocalypse.

Samuel L.

Mass hysteria.

About eleven years ago, a bunch of vintage comics were stolen from Nicolas Cage's home, likely by BEEEEEEEEES.

The Swiss Bank UBS raised an eyebrow or a million last month after it was revealed that the company was forcing its employees to adhere to a 43-page employee handbook that detailed everything about how they dress, from their glasses to their asses.

Here we were, acting all high and mighty, thinking that Four Loko and similar caffeinated alcoholic beverages were destroying the lives of young adults across the country, and now a bunch of egghead scientists have shown us the error of our ways.

This isn't the guy in the story below, but I wish he were.