Oh, Gee, Is Facebook’s Stock Tanking? YOU DON’T SAY!

Really? Gosh, we didn’t see that one coming.

I was a Facebook IPO anti-evangelist well before everybody else got on the train, but I’m not trying to gloat here, because I have no right to. All I was doing was pointing out the obvious.

This wasn’t hard math. What in God’s name does Facebook have to offer that’s worth $100 billion? It’s not Google. It’s not Apple. It’s important, and it’s powerful, and it’s probably going to be around for a shockingly long time unless the stock price drops low enough that Google decides to “merge” with it, kind of like you or I would merge with a cool, refreshing soda on a warm summer’s day. But it’s not worth $100 billion. It never was. It probably never will be. And now it appears as though Facebook’s own bankers knew this all along. Shocking, right?

The real problem is what this will mean for Facebook. Already, they’re looking to “monetize” their users, because now they have stockholders to answer to, the kind of people who throw a ridiculous hissy fit because baaaaaaw Mark Zuckerberg wore a hoody! They’re already facing the Wall Street hounds, and it stinks because the demands are not because Facebook has problems as a company (although it does, and quite a few, although none financial), but because the wannabe Patrick Batemans of the world are angry they didn’t become richer in five minutes.

So, really, we wish Facebook luck. It’s going to need it.

(Image via Facebook)