LoJack For Phones Will Use An Actual Goon Squad To Track Down Your Phone

LoJack, in case you didn’t know, is the popular brand of anti-theft device for cars. But it also has been extending that brand to laptops, and now, phones. Although the selling point here is less “tracking your phone” and more “sending a large, scary man to get your phone back.”

LoJack’s phone tracking software is fairly standard to a point: It lets you lock your phone remotely and remove data, change passwords, and post photos of the thief doing embarrassing things.

It does have the smart idea of being encoded in the firmware of the phone, so, starting with the Samsung Galaxy S4, you can wipe the whole phone and it will still be on there, ready to get your phone back. Speaking of which, you probably will, since they’ll be sending “recovery experts”:

Our Theft Recovery Team has over 1,000 years of combined experience in law enforcement, FBI, the Marines, the US Army, Homeland Security and government positions.They are experts on internet investigations, computer forensics, and cyber crime and speak at public engagements on topics ranging from regulatory matters to legal issues around data privacy and computer crime. Most importantly, the Theft Recovery Team works to get your stolen laptop back. To date, they have recovered 28,000+ devices in over 95 countries. Get 30 days of FREE Protection.

In other words, the dude who jacked your phone will answer the door and discover a very large, angry Marine standing there, politely requesting that he turn the phone over and come with him to answer a few questions.

That’s kind of worth the $30 per year this service costs — just the mental image of it alone.

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