I knew this day was coming, but it’s still depressing as hell to realize the truth: Conan O’Brien has retired the popular “masturbating bear” character. In last week’s mock “State of the Show” speech (video below), O’Brien deemed the masturbating bear as inappropriate for the 11:30 time slot he’ll mercifully assume from Jay Leno in two weeks, and prepared viewers for a new bear character that instead “searches through a fanny pack for lost keys.”
I guess this is the price we pay. The cost of doing business. Friends, I don’t like a watered-down, less zany Conan any more than the next Calvin Klein underwear model, but it’s a price I’m willing to pay in order to not have Leno doing “The Tonight Show.” Another price I’m willing to pay: $10 for three pairs of underwear. That’s a whole week’s worth!
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Masturbating bears are inappropriate? They never seem to mind watching ME touch myself.
Then again, when I pleasure myself in front of the bears, they’re safely shielded by their cage at the zoo.
I usually leave my socks on. Does that count as masturbating bare?
whenever I masturbate bear, they never call me the next day. I am such a dirty whore.
Fun Fact: The Bear pictures Heath Ledger when he jerks it.
Wait a minute! Having a bear masturbating is inappropriate? What the fuck do you call Jimmy Kimmel Live? That bear’s been masturbating for the entire run!