Green Porno — a series of short films about animal reproduction written, directed, and starring Isabella Rossellini — made a bit of a splash in the news when it debuted a year ago. Well, Season 2 is online at the Sundance Channel, and… well, just watch the Why Vagina episode and get back to me. An excerpt:
If I were a female — any female — I would want to protect my precious eggs. I would want to hide them in a hole, and I would want that hole to be in a place hard to reach. **puts hand over vagina, grins creepily** Unless I want you to reach me.
**begins walking through forest of papier-mâché penises** Penises. Different penises. All trying to get as close as possible to my eggs. BUT… I would have a tunnel. And it would be a labyrinth. It would be intricate. It would be unique. It would be species-specific, so that I’m not screwed by a bear.
This was on “The Soup” a week ago, and I’ve watched it about four more times since finding it online, and that line hasn’t gotten any less awesome. However, if I’ve learned anything at The Manhole, not having a vagina won’t stop a bear from screwing you.
Press the button. C’mon, I earned it.
[TiFaux]
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Hey there was a place called The Manhole on Halsted Street here in Chicago. How do you know about it? How do I? Shut up that’s how.
I’ve seen these. I’m guessing that’s as close to a penis as Isabella has been in a long time.
Why not vagina?
…is what I said, right before suffering some sort of blunt force trauma to the head.
Uh, I don’t think that’s the kind of rim shot you were looking for, champ.
//now I earned one, too.
I swear, I thought “Pacific Rim” was a cooking magazine!
/anyone else watch “Sit Down, Shut Up”?
We really need 2 minutes of credits for that?
Just imagine how weird it would be to get freaky with Isabella after watching that.
“So that I am not screwed by a bear?”
…well what is she doing putting her vagina near bears in the first place?