THE MASTURBATING BEAR IS COMING BACK!!!

Sadly, Conan O’Brien announced on-air in February that the popular Masturbating Bear character would be retired to accommodate the different audience at 11:30 p.m.  However, the former “Late Night” host reversed course yesterday, indicating that the ursine onanist would indeed return when Conan takes over “The Tonight Show” next week:

“I think sometimes, especially in 2009, people can overstate the idea that there’s a comedy barrier that separates 11:30 and 12:30 and that you’ll ignite antimatter if you bring 12:30 comedy into the 11:30 hour,” O’Brien told reporters Tuesday. “But DVRs have changed everything. The Internet has changed everything.” [...]

In fact, many of the segments featured on “Late Night” during O’Brien’s tenure will be joining the host for the cross-country move to L.A. – including the Masturbating Bear, Triumph the Insult Comic Dog and the Year 2000, along with plenty of produced comedy sketches. [NY Daily News]

Yay!  This is terrific news!  I want to high-five each and every person reading this through your Internet connection right now.  But I’d have to be the Lawnmower Man to do that.  You ever see The Lawnmower Man?  Frighteningly realistic.  Could have used a masturbating bear, though.