Kathy Griffin hosted the roast of Joan Rivers that will air August 9th on Comedy Central, and some of the one-liners that were delivered are starting to leak out. And the most awesome thing I’ve read in ages happened when the roasters dubbed Griffin “Tranny Bonaduce.” That’s the most accurately scathing put-down I’ve seen in a long time. I want to find whoever came up with that and just high-five them all day. Kathy Griffin, YA BURNT.
Some of the other zings (all aimed at Rivers):
Greg Giraldo: “You used to look your age, but now you don’t even look like your species.”
Jeffrey Ross: “If you Google her, you can find her on Craigs and Schindler’s List.”
Tom Arnold: “When she read her husband’s suicide note, she sent it back for a rewrite.”
I’m guessing those are the only three jokes that didn’t have profanity in them. I’m looking forward to this; it’s always nice to see Jeffrey Ross at his best. His stand-up isn’t all that funny, he’ll never rise to any significant level of fame, but man can that guy insult people. He may as well be underground 364 days a year. Basically, he’s the mayfly of comedy. Hell yeah that’s an insect joke. The entomologists in the house loved that one.
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Joan Rivers’ skin is tighter than my 8 year old girlfriend’s vagina.
Jeff Ross is this generations Don Rickles.
How convenient that the mic covers up Kathy’s Adam’s apple.
Ross is one of the worst stand up’s I ever heard. Larry the Cable guy has a fresher act. Ross’s act is so old that Kendra Wilkinson wants to fuck it.
Do you have any jokes for ichthyologists? Or herpetologists?
According to Page Six:
“You’re like Robo-Cop, you’re half-human and nobody’s given a [bleep] about you since 1986,” Greg Giraldo told Rivers. “You actually have a lot in common with Michael Jackson. You both spent thousands of dollars to look like the Crypt Keeper. You’re both more popular now that you’re dead.”
Jeffrey Ross continued: “Joan had a difficult choice to make, whether to do this roast or be the fifth celebrity to die this month . . . Who’s your plastic surgeon? Tim Burton? Oh my God, Kanye’s mom had a better plastic surgeon. Look at her, she’s a cougar. Freddy Cougar!”
And quipped Brad Garrett, “Joan has [bleep]ed more old Jews than Bernie Madoff.”
Please tell me there’ll be more Lisa Lampinelli banging black guy jokes!
Brian Posehn said Lisa’s fatass got stabbed by one of her black boyfriends. That’s true, right? She’s dead, right? Because wow, did she ever suck.
I wouldn’t fuck Kathy Griffin with Bea Arthur’s dick.