OH GREAT. NOW I’M SUICIDAL.

L.A. Candy, the debut novel “written” by “author” Lauren Conrad, topped the New York Times best seller list for the second consecutive week.  **cleans pistol, gives away possessions**

“If someone said to me five years ago when this all started that I would one day make the New York Times Best Seller list I wouldn’t have believed it,” Conrad [said].

“Probably because I’ve never had any desire to write anything whatsoever.”

The novel, loosely based on Conrad’s own life, follows Jane Roberts, a 19-year-old girl who moves to Hollywood and ends up as the star of her own reality show… L.A. Candy, which hit shelves June 16, is the first in a three-book deal for the reality TV star.

I can’t fault Lauren for any of this.  If someone offered me three truckloads of cash to put my name on something that someone else had written, I’d sign whatever contract they had and tell them to park the trucks around back.  In fact, on second thought, I really shouldn’t be so indignant about this.  It’s not like that top spot was going to go to a reprinting of Lolita.  “Conrad, you bitch!  James Patterson’s Swimsuit deserves more commercial recognition!”