Local news story of the year: a Florida strip club was employing two underage girls (15 and 17 years old); the mother of the 15-year-old called police, who took the girls into custody; a news crew went to the home where the 911 call was made, looking for the younger girl; the girl’s grandmother answered the door and attacked the news crew with a garden hoe (watch the first-person attack footage here). This is me starting a slow clap across the Internet.
The club said the girls claimed they were over 18. Police said the club owners could not produce IDs for the teenagers who detectives said have been working at the club for months… Police said the 15-year-old has not been in school since seventh grade. Truancy concerns, as well charges against club owners, are pending.
This story comes to us via WESH, serving the wider Orlando/Daytona Beach area, AKA the Heart of America’s Wang. Here are some headlines for other local news stories on WESH’s homepage. I did not make any of these up:
Boy, 16, Charged With Raping His 4-Year-Old Niece
Sheriff’s Deputy Arrested On Stalking Charges
Teen Crashes Into House During BMW Joy Ride
Agents Find Cocaine In Woman’s Bra
Elderly Beauty Queens Vie For Pageant Crown
Those are just the five best. I didn’t bother to include “Police Say Student Sold Drugs For Tuition Money” or the teenage stripper/grandma hoe attack. And all those are the headlines for only one PART of Florida. You’ve got some serious catching up to do, Ohio.
[YouTube vid via Buzzfeed]
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/photo/226/thumb)
![[image]](http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/06/COOL-POPE-150x150.png)
![[image]](http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/06/shutterstock_106597382-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/06/Mega-Mosquitoes1-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/06/AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-150x150.png)
I would have never, not in one bajillion years, guessed that this happened in Florida.
Ohio is too mired in alcoholism and a dedication to mediocrity top Florida in the improbable headline department. It actually takes enthusiasm (and meth…lots of meth) to generate amusing local news.
I’m just sad that I didn’t know there was a 15-year old stripper 40 minutes away from me until after the fact.
So Florida’s main contributions to the nation are: Girls gone wild, fucking up elections and giving us an infinite source of idiocy to laugh at and make us feel a whole lot better about ourselves. Am I missing anything other than a obligatory elderly Jewish joke?
I’m guessing everyone in Florida keeps a garden hoe in their house.
According to the related videos that pop up after the clip is over, this bitch is pretty fuckin’ street.
Playmates All Nude Revue looks nice.
That’s a textbook definition of “chimping out”- not to sound racist. oh, whatever. SURPRISE!
Looks like a stripping gig can lead to a TV reporting job in FLA.
I like this headline from WESH “Teacher’s Aide Accused Of Touching Girl On Paid Leave”
Can someone locate “paid leave” on the human body?
10 comments and no one, NO ONE, has taken the headline’s bait.
I’ll just say this: if you’re the grandmother of a 15 year old stripper, and you’re planning on assaulting a local news crew, maybe next time grab a garden tool that doesn’t also describe your granddaughter.
“Paid Leave” is between the vagina and asshole.
@Danger — next time she’ll be smarter and reach for a spade.
I like how attorney Todd is wearing the club tie in a show of solidarity with his clients.
Most importantly in this story, is the TRUANCY!!! Who wrote this article, Armen Tamzerian?
I live there! In fact, I went with my buddy there and he got a handjob. Its a shit hole, with nasty old dancers. Not surprised.
did the cameraman died.
@ KP
OH!! ([www.youtube.com])
“After nearly getting beaten with a hoe, we left.”
Something about that line makes me die laughing every time…
did the camera man attacked by grandma of teenage stripper with hoe died
Very ironic that a grandmother of a teenage stripper is attacking people with a hoe.
how bout that sweat ring around the collar of grandmas shirt? Friggin A!