SCREECH’S BOOK SUCKS

Dustin Diamond, the actor who played Screech on “Saved by the Bell” before attaining such lofty heights as banruptcy (2001) and a sex tape (2006), is coming out with a new tell-all book, Behind the Bell, that provides shocking revelations about the iconic ’90s teen series. Shocking revelations like… marijuana use!

I could smell a certain ‘smoke,’ wafting from from the crack” underneath his castmates’ dressing rooms, says Diamond, 32.

He also alleges costarMark Paul Gosselaar — who played popular Zack Morris — used steroids before production started on 1994′s short-lived Saved by the Bell: The College Years.

“He suddenly exploded with manliness [that's what SHE said - Ed.], loading 25 pounds of muscle on his once-scrawny frame in, oh, about a month,” says Diamond, who is not in touch with any of his costars. (Gosselaar, 35, has dismissed his costar’s so-called revelations to Us: “We weren’t in rehab and Mr. Belding wasn’t my crack dealer.”)

Diamond… goes on to say his costars hooked up off-camera. “If Kelly [Tiffani Thiessen] was interested in Slater [Mario Lopez] one week, then backstage there was a lot going between them in Mario [Lopez]‘s room,” he tells the new Us Weekly. “Then, if Jessie [Elizabeth Berkley] kisses Zack, then you know Elizabeth Berkley is going in Mark-Paul’s room.” [Us Weekly]

So there you go. Some young people in Hollywood did drugs and had sex, alleges broke failure. Stop the presses. No, seriously, stop the presses. Don’t print any more copies of this book, no one wants it.

Kind of related: here’s the trailer for the porn spoof of “Saved by the Bell.” Whatever.