JODIE SWEETIN USED TO BE FUN

Last year, Jodie Sweetin — aka Stephanie Tanner from “Full House” — publicly admitted that she had an awesome addiction to every kind of drug on the planet, then she went on “Good Morning America” and made a tour of college campuses talking about how great it was to beat addiction. Now she’s coming out with a new book in which she admits to doing drugs the entire time she was talking about being clean. I suppose it’s wrong that I find that an attractive feature, huh?

Us Magazine has a full breakdown of her awesomely deviant behavior. It starts with binge drinking at age 14 and moves on to snorting meth at a film premiere and driving drunk with her nine-month-old daughter in the car. Wheee! Let’s take a closer look:

No. 1: Sweetin got so drunk at costar Candace Cameron’s wedding in 1996, she vomited and had to be carried out.

“I probably had two bottles of wine, and I was only 14. That first drink gave me the self confidence I had been searching for my whole life. But that set the pattern of the kind of drinking that I would do.”

No. 2: Sweetin graduated to ecstasy in high school and cocaine in college.

I wanted to prove that I could get more trashed than anyone. There were times I did so much coke, I’d be there laying there, getting sick and thinking ‘I’m going to die.’ But I didn’t care.”

Ah, college. Sounds just like me. Except my drug of choice was the study of Cold War history. I was addicted to knowledge!

No. 3: During the premiere for Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen’s 2004 movie New York Minute, she walked the red carpet “high as a kite” and snorted meth in a bathroom stall.

In her defense, snorting meth is the only way to make New York Minute watchable.

“I was pulling off the deceit. It was hard for people to believe I was doing that much drugs. I look at photos from that event, and I didn’t even look strung out!”

High five!

No. 4: When she was 9 months old, Sweetin was adopted. She later learned her biological mom also abused drugs and her dad was killed in a prison riot.

Oh man that is so METAL.

“I would hear stories about my mom leaving me to go off and party. And for years I was like, ‘F*** her. How could somebody do that to their kid?’ When I started seeing my own addiction getting in the way of being a mom, I finally understood: If you’re not in the right place to get sober, you’re not ready to be a mom.”

This message brought to you by COMMON F-CKING SENSE.

No. 5: Though she bragged about her sobriety to Good Morning America and People in June 2008, she was secretly still getting high.

No. 6: She drove drunk with her baby daughter.

“That was the big rock bottom. I had two glasses of wine and drove with her in the car. I not only put myself in danger, but also my daughter, who I loved more than anything. I felt terrible.”

Pfffft, only two glasses of wine? That’s hardly the Jodie Sweetin I’ve come to know and make fun of.

No. 7: She’s still battling with second husband Cody Herpin for shared custody of Zoie.

“I got sober for good on December 7, 2008. I was flying to L.A. and I ended up taking a bunch of Nyquil and drinking a s—load. When I got home, I got a call that there was an emergency custody investigation because of my drinking. From that day forward, I threw myself into going to AA and avoided people who do blow off their coffee tables. We’re working on a custody agreement right now. But life is good. I’m happier than I can remember.”

“This time, I’m not lying! Give me a second chance to drive drunk with my daughter!”