TODAY IN ACRONYM NEWS: WTF ‘DWTS’?

In theory, announcing the winner of a reality competition after you’ve tallied up the votes takes about thirty seconds. In practice, it took two hours on last night’s “Dancing with the Stars” finale, in which America once again selected the less talented option, unthreatening whitebread milquetoast Donny Osmond.

Perhaps a karmic result of ABC essentially airing 120 minutes of nothing, part of the airtime was an unusual glitch in which the sound cut out and the picture focused on a still of Miss Piggy’s back. It’s easily the weirdest non sequitur cut I’ve seen since Spaghetti Cat. Oh, Spaghetti Cat! You’re my second-favorite food-named animal, right after Cupcake Dog.